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Module 6

Te Whakahaere Kōrero Aua (Navigating Challenging Conversations) me Te Whakatau Ta rata (Conflict Resolution)

Due: End of Term 2/3 school holidays 

NB: We have had a technical issue which has been brought to our attention, and this module was not displayed online as per the timeline – our apologies.

 

Mā mua ka kite a muri; Mā muri ka ora a mua.

Those who lead give sight to those who follow; Those who follow give life to those who lead.

 

Module Objectives:

  • Understand the dynamics of challenging conversations.
  • Develop and apply strategies for effective communication in challenging situations.
  • Explore and apply various conflict resolution strategies.
  • Foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback.
  • Identify and address personal biases and assumptions that may impact communication and conflict resolution.

 

“To lead effectively we’re responsible for respecting and leveraging the different views and staying curious about how they can often conflict.” (Dare to Lead, page 174).

 As educational leaders, we often have a different horizon and perspective to our colleagues.

Even as teachers wearing different ‘hats’, for example, on different curriculum committees, we will be focused on different goals. It’s up to us, as leaders, to communicate our perspective, try to use our empathy skills to see from our colleagues’ perspectives, and rumble enough to get on the same page when we can. So how do we do this?

“Developing a disciplined practice of rumbling with vulnerability gives leaders the strength and emotional stamina to dare greatly.” (Dare to Lead, Page 167).

There is a need to empower school leaders with conflict management training before they assume their leadership positions.

 

Provocation/Task:

“The only thing I know for sure after all of this research is that if you’re going to dare greatly, you’re going to get your ass kicked at some point. If you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage. That’s why it’s so rare.” (Brene Brown, Dare to Lead).

Choose a question(s) to discuss with your learning partner, via email/phone/online conversation. You might want to share a particular challenging conversation you have had recently or have coming up with your learning partner and seek advice from a different perspective. Share your thoughts after the conversion as a forum response in less than 150 words:

★ Reflect on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stands out?

★ What Daring Leadership tool is going to make the biggest difference to you as an educational leader?

★ How can you be prepared as a culturally responsive leader, to handle conflict and crisis as it arises? What biases or assumptions might you hold?

★ How have you/could you foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback at your kura/your team?

 

Resources:

Additional/Optional Readings:

 

Assessment:

  • Completion of all readings.
  • Participation in the online forum discussion.
  • Submission of reflection on the forum.

18 Responses

  1. Kia Ora ano,

    As an educator we are subjected to challenges daily and tasked with ‘solving’ them asap. Some can be easier than others obviously but this exposure is good practice to ensure we can continue improving our practices in this space. Over the past week alone I have had some conversations with akonga, whanau, colleagues and SLT relating to behaviors of students, decisions they have made, and the involvement of other staff. There is a theme that is presenting itself that there needs to be a level of trust, empathy and and strong relationships to ensure the outcomes can be found. Trust is difficult to build and hard to maintain if there is not credibility between parties. When dealing with akonga, especially teenagers who are still developing neurologically and understanding what and how to best protect themselves, trust building and relationships can be time consuming. The relationship they have with others who ay be involved in the ‘conflict’ or ‘challenge’ adds further to the necessity of ensuring us, as individuals, have a credibility to ensure it is clear we are here to assist in what moving forward looks like. Understanding the reasons why and applying empathy to how others think is vital and something I am enjoying being curious about.

    ★ What Daring Leadership tool is going to make the biggest difference to you as an educational leader?
    I find myself reflecting on instances where I have had difficult conversations knowing I could have done things better, but being brave enough to acknowledge that or even go back to the person involved and ‘repair’ the situation.
    I used to think I had to have the knowledge to navigate situations and appear as though I was in control, but sharing dialogue and allowing others to speak and understand the situation we are both in helps both parties come to a more balanced understanding. I think the other thing I am hoping to get better at is dealing with an issue as soon as it presents itself. At times this is not possible, but where whanau or other staff are directly affected or are needing a response, I try to get back to them asap.

    ★ How can you be prepared as a culturally responsive leader, to handle conflict and crisis as it arises? What biases or assumptions might you hold?
    As I have stated above, getting on to issues or questions as they present themselves is important so people feel heard and not to disrupt their mana. Being present is a big factor and showing up is important. Again the continuation of ensuring relationship building is taking place and that you are a credible source is significant too prior to said conflict. That way if there is conflict that arises there is space and opportunity for a mutual ground where external whanau or members don’t feel ‘alienated’ or ‘cornered’ when having to resolve situations.

    ★ How have you/could you foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback at your kura/your team?
    This can be hard, but honesty and vulnerability is key I have found. At times I have found myself in situations where I am the small player in the dialogue and suggestions fall short. In the past I have been part of conversations that are happening behind the scenes that are not productive and add to poor culture. When doing so I know it is to the detriment of the situation too. I am still learning how best to navigate this but persistence and consistency are themes that I am using to move beyond this. I refer back to credibility, and that is built by the continuation of doing the small things well and consistently. Making small shifts to build big change needs to be live experience

  2. Recently, I had to navigate a courageous conversation with a fellow Dean, which directly connected to Dare to Lead Part 1 and Module 6 of our leadership course.

    As EOTC Coordinator, I discovered—only 24 hours before departure—that a teacher had organised a Year 12–13 Economics trip without following any of the required approval processes. This left me in a difficult position: balancing my responsibility for compliance with the reality that the principal had already given verbal approval. Although I signed off on the documentation, the situation left me unsettled.

    After reflecting, I emailed both the teacher and the principal to express my concerns. My principal responded with support, but my colleague felt disrespected and later told me he believed I had “thrown him under the bus.” This was never my intention, but it was his experience. It reminded me of a video by Marshall Diggs, who shared a story about a waiter to illustrate that sometimes it doesn’t matter who is right—what matters is that people feel heard.

    From this experience, I learned that:

    Leadership requires sitting with discomfort and addressing accountability with humility and resolve.

    Courageous conversations often carry relational risks but are necessary to build trust and protect standards.

    Vulnerability, curiosity, and clarity (“help me understand…” / “the story I’m making up is…”) are powerful tools for these moments.

    Leadership is about choice, not rank—it is demonstrated in action, even when difficult.

    I am still reflecting on how to move forward in a way that restores trust. This tension is a reminder that effective leadership is not about avoiding conflict but navigating it with courage, humility, and care.

    1. Awesome Matthew,
      I like your last piece where you reflect and look for ways forward to restore trust. I often think there must be a level ‘pain’ or as you put it ‘tension’ that we live with especially when we have come into conflict. Is the tension long lived or is it acute? I think both versions give a level of importance to the situation they are built from. Kia Ora e hoa

  3. One of the biggest points I took from the book is that trust is built in the small, everyday moments when someone chooses to be vulnerable. As TIC of school-wide camps, that might look like a camp leader admitting they’re unsure about how to run a specific activity, and me responding with support rather than criticism. It’s easy to jump in with “You should have known that,” but is more valuable to pause, understand what’s behind the uncertainty, and reflect on whether I’ve provided the right preparation or resources. The way I handle that moment – especially if others are watching can shape the trust within the team. Public criticism can undermine relationships; private conversations that seek understanding can strengthen them. to
    Another key takeaway for me is that “vulnerability is not weakness, it’s courage”. I see this when a camp staff member admits they’re nervous about leading a group in poor weather, I can approach this by using struggles that I have had recently with similar issues to connect and show vulnerability. I will strive to move from “armoured leadership” to “daring leadership” means letting go of self-protection, embracing discomfort, and being willing to “rumble” – having honest, sometimes awkward conversations. In the PE department, it might be tackling an issue with delivering a learning unit or sharing the workload for a course fairly. I will strive to do this in an open and respectful manner in which I will come from a “not-knowing” perspective rather than a “why aren’t you doing this” perspective.. These conversations aren’t easy, but they’re where trust, connection, and team growth are built.

  4. ★ What Daring Leadership tool is going to make the biggest difference to you as an educational leader?
    I need to continue to build and maintain a circle of trust with staff.
    Notes>”We call them leaders because they go first. We call them leaders because they take the risk before anybody else does.”
    When leaders sacrifice for their people, the natural response is that people will sacrifice for their leaders, creating the kind of organisation we all want to work in.Leadership is a choice not a rank. Real leadership involves looking after others. Circle of safety concept = Historical origins to modern application. We cannot control external forces. We can only control conditions inside our organisation. Build a CIRCLE of TRUST!
    ★ How can you be prepared as a culturally responsive leader, to handle conflict and crisis as it arises? What biases or assumptions might you hold?
    I arrived as young teacher in NZ in 2007, my teaching and leadership journey has involved examining my cultural lens. I endeavour to not assume and include everyone. I am comfortable in confrontation situations as I can keep calm, stick to main points, reschedule if needed. I need to seek feedback about my leadership from people with different cultural perspectives, I have not done this. I
    ★ How have you/could you foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback at your kura/your team?
    What stood out to me: High trust relationships exist when leaders are respected for deep educational knowledge, their actions and values, respectful engagement that goes hand in hand with empathy, we need to be humble. Foster open discussions. Your self-awareness and emotional intelligence will help you build high trust relationships. Don’t be oblvious!
    Trust matters to create change that is sustainable. You need to take the lead and extend trust to gain trust. Your first impression matters to help build a relationship with staff. Patience is something I always have to work on as I am naturally in a rush. I value honesty and feel comfortable addressing problems openly & respectfully. Ensure relationships are sustainable through your day to day actions. More TRUST notes in module 5 docs shared.
    Bryk & Schneider Model ( Respect, Regard of Personalm, Integrity and COMPETENCE!)
    Tschannen-Moran Model (Benevolence, Honesty, REliability, Competence and Openness.

    1. Kia ora Monique,
      I like your emphasis on building a circle of trust, as leading with empathy, honesty, and emotional intelligence provides a strong foundation for daring leadership. Your self-awareness, particularly in terms of openness to examining your cultural lens and recognising the importance of seeking diverse feedback, is a powerful step in becoming a more culturally responsive leader. Well done on your commitment to fostering high-trust relationships and open dialogue, which clearly aligns with the values of sustainable, courageous leadership. You’re not just talking about it — you’re actively working towards it. Ka rawe tō mahi.

  5. The Daring Leadership tool that will make the biggest difference for me is the disciplined practice of rumbling with vulnerability.

    I’m learning to reframe difficult conversations not as confrontations, but as a commitment to stay curious and get on the same page. This means dropping my own “armour” and creating a safe space for honest dialogue. Instead of reacting, I’ll aim to externalize the problem, much like the rubric example, so it doesn’t feel like a personal attack.

    I believe this approach will be a game-changer. It builds trust by showing respect for the person, not just the problem. Ultimately, this enables me to foster a culture where constructive feedback is seen not as an attack, but as an opportunity for growth that is in everyone’s best interest.

  6. Kia ora tātou,

    Heath, Leanne and I met last week of term two and discussed the readings and takeaways. Here is a summary of our key takeaways:

    I think that the biggest point that I took from Part one of the book is that trust is the accumulation of small moments when someone is vulnerable. It’s easy to criticise someone when something goes wrong, it’s harder to try and understand why something has gone wrong and reflect on whether it is something that you have done that has led to this moment. Is jumping to a conclusion at the moment what’s best for the individual? How is it seen to other members of the team if you do so in a public manner? I think that the biggest ‘Dear to lead’ tool that I will take out of the book is identifying values within your group. Knowing the values of your members I think is vital in knowing how you manage them. Do they value their family above all, make sure that you ask about them often and make them feel a part of the team as well. Is their greatest value their career, then finding them PD for furthering their career is a top priority. I think that by knowing team members’ values you can lean into them and make them feel more appreciated and therefore grow the trust between them and you.

    What stands out for me was the consistent notion of vulnerability is not weakness, but rather a courageous act. Behaviours like perfectionism, cynicism, and fear of taking risks are protective mechanisms that leaders and individuals use to shield themselves from shame and failure. While it seems to provide protection, it is actually heavy and prevents growth and connection, and being “seen” for who you are. She discusses the need to shift from “armored leadership” to “daring leadership” which requires letting go of self-protection and embracing discomfort. The introduction of “rumbling” as a metaphor for honest, vulnerable conversations is also highly significant. This involves engaging directly with discomfort, staying curious, and addressing problems rather than avoiding them, which is a good habit to develop.

    Hauora – Aroha mai, I posted on the wrong Roopu

    1. Kia ora Heath, Leanne, and Damon,
      I liked your point about trust being built through small, vulnerable moments—it’s a powerful reminder that leadership isn’t about grand gestures, but about how we show up in everyday interactions. Your reflection on how we respond when things go wrong is also really thought-provoking. It indeed takes real courage to pause, reflect, and consider our role rather than jumping to conclusions—especially in the heat of the moment.

      I also think your takeaway about identifying and leaning into team members’ values is such a practical approach to leadership. It demonstrates empathy, respect, and a genuine desire to lead in a way that is responsive to people as individuals. That kind of intentional connection builds trust. Ngā mihi

    2. Kia Ora Damon,
      Your last paragraph opener, “What stands out for me was the consistent notion of vulnerability is not weakness, but rather a courageous act.”
      Was something that stood out for me too. I think in the past I avoided it at times not understanding the value in what it can add to the other parties involved.
      Nga mihi

  7. As discussed above by Laura and Wessel. With feeling valued, supported with trust and safety being present and in the relationship/space, then constructive feedback and open dialogue can freely occur. I still believe these conversations can be ‘sticky’ at times and not nice. However, through these foundations being built, the hope is that these conversations will happen and there will be movement forward. Which is in the best interests of everyone, especially the students in which we teach and work with.
    Through coming from a position of being curious and ‘not-knowing’ will reinforce and reassure the person of the values, trust and respect that is present within your relationship, hence opening space to be open, honest and vulnerable. Possibly, sharing of times in which this may of happened in your journey or something similar can also ease the intensity of the team member feeling isolated or that they are the only one to make a mistake of this kind. I think this would lessen the narrative of them thinking I come from a place of judgment which isn’t the case. I know at the moment I have a team member who has had a few complaints made against her for being ‘hard’ and showing little empathy. I know her personal story as we did a “getting to know you” document at the start of the year, and she has been through some rough times of recent, however her happy place is school- normality. What I find that is working for me is firstly, taking the time to think/reflect and create space between the problem and the person. “Being less reactive”. Secondly, how I can externalize this problem, so it isn’t owned by the person and can therefore be addressed more effectively. We give points in every pathways session, we have five whanau that come through each week that can earn 10 points each day (8 classes in pathways so a total of 80 points per whanau for a cup that is presented weekly). She is giving 4/10 each week for one whanau, we are all giving 8, 9, 10. Her class believe she isn’t clear with her expectations and penalises them for one student making poor choices (He has ADHD). I asked her… If I was ‘scoring a 10’, what would that look like? How might I earn back some credit if I change my behaviour, is that a possibility? How many students affect the score? What if someone has a bad day as we all do?
    She listened, thought and came up with an idea of putting a laminated rubric up on the wall explaining what each score could look like. She also began reflecting on the types of students in her class and discussed how her ADHD Grandson was being treated in his school and how he was bullied by his outbursts. I asked if she has students like this in her classes. She acknowledged she did. I asked what scores do their whanau get in her class and how might this affect their relationships with their peers? She smiled.
    Next time her class was given a 9/10.
    It hasn’t always been smooth sailing with this staff member but through honest conversations and discussion about my own times of challenges, showing vulnerability as stated in the resources, she has acknowledged I am only there to support her.

    1

    1. Kia ora Mark,
      You’ve highlighted the importance of trust, safety, and curiosity as foundations for open dialogue—especially when conversations are challenging.
      Your strategy of separating the problem from the person and using open, reflective questions is a powerful way to support growth without judgment. The way you’ve built connection through vulnerability and empathy, rather than authority, really stands out.
      It’s great to see how this approach has already had a positive impact on the thinking and practice of your team member. Your reflection provides valuable insight into what effective and compassionate leadership looks like. Ka rawe!

  8. To foster open dialogue and constructive feedback within my department, I have strived to building a foundation of trust and psychological safety environment. As proposed by Simon Sinek, allowing individuals to speak openly without fear. How can we grow as a deparment if this is not a foundation to build on. As a leader, I need to model my own vulnerability, actively seeking and responding to feedback, and establishing clear channels for communication. Marshall’s advice resonated with me and not going into difficult conversations with a closed mindset, being open to feeling the tension but remember “Clear is kind”, be specific and don’t make generic statements.
    Upon reflecting on difficult conversations, there was a situation last term. I had to contact the parents to collect their child due to an allegations of dangerous behaviour. I ensured that I was clear with the issue and what the next steps would be for the child. I reinforced that the call was for the safety of the child and there was no judgement from me. I allowed the parents to discuss the issue with me and how we could move forward and repair the harm with our school community.

    1

    1. Kia ora Laura,
      It’s clear that you’re committed to creating a safe and trusting environment where open dialogue can thrive. Your reference to Simon Sinek and the emphasis on psychological safety highlights your intentionality in fostering a positive team culture.

      I also liked your reflection on approaching difficult conversations with clarity and openness, as Marshall’s advice suggests. “Clear is kind” is such a powerful reminder, and you demonstrated that well in your interaction with the parents. By focusing on safety, listening without judgment, and involving them in the solution, you modelled both empathy and professionalism. Ka rawe!

  9. Fostering a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback starts with trust and safety. Simon Sinek’s idea that good leaders make people feel safe resonated deeply with me. I feel supported by my Principal and DP, which gives me the confidence to take risks and admit mistakes. Knowing I’m backed by leadership helps me extend that same sense of safety to my own team.
    Within my team, we embrace our differences and see them as strengths. We understand that our varied backgrounds shape our perspectives, and we approach these differences with curiosity rather than judgment. This foundation makes open, even difficult, conversations easier and more productive.
    One experience that highlighted this was when I had to address a serious issue with a student who has ASD and is a recent immigrant. Before speaking to the student, I met with his whānau to share what had happened, seek their input, and explain the approach I intended to take. Their involvement made the dialogue more meaningful and built trust. When people know conversations come from a place of care, they are more open and willing to engage honestly. That’s the kind of culture I aim to foster every day.

    1

    1. Kia ora Wessel,
      Your commitment to fostering trust and psychological safety within your team is evident and aligns well with Simon Sinek’s leadership principles. It’s encouraging to see how the support you receive from senior leadership empowers you to model that same safety for others.
      Your emphasis on valuing diverse perspectives and approaching differences with curiosity reflects inclusive and empathetic leadership. The example involving the student with ASD and their whānau highlights your respectful and collaborative approach, reinforcing the importance of care and cultural responsiveness in building trust.
      Your leadership clearly contributes to a positive and supportive team culture. Ka rawe!

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