Due: End of Term 2/3 school holidays
NB: We have had a technical issue which has been brought to our attention, and this module was not displayed online as per the timeline – our apologies.
Mā mua ka kite a muri; Mā muri ka ora a mua.
Those who lead give sight to those who follow; Those who follow give life to those who lead.
Module Objectives:
- Understand the dynamics of challenging conversations.
- Develop and apply strategies for effective communication in challenging situations.
- Explore and apply various conflict resolution strategies.
- Foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback.
- Identify and address personal biases and assumptions that may impact communication and conflict resolution.
“To lead effectively we’re responsible for respecting and leveraging the different views and staying curious about how they can often conflict.” (Dare to Lead, page 174).
As educational leaders, we often have a different horizon and perspective to our colleagues.
Even as teachers wearing different ‘hats’, for example, on different curriculum committees, we will be focused on different goals. It’s up to us, as leaders, to communicate our perspective, try to use our empathy skills to see from our colleagues’ perspectives, and rumble enough to get on the same page when we can. So how do we do this?
“Developing a disciplined practice of rumbling with vulnerability gives leaders the strength and emotional stamina to dare greatly.” (Dare to Lead, Page 167).
There is a need to empower school leaders with conflict management training before they assume their leadership positions.
Provocation/Task:
“The only thing I know for sure after all of this research is that if you’re going to dare greatly, you’re going to get your ass kicked at some point. If you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage. That’s why it’s so rare.” (Brene Brown, Dare to Lead).
Choose a question(s) to discuss with your learning partner, via email/phone/online conversation. You might want to share a particular challenging conversation you have had recently or have coming up with your learning partner and seek advice from a different perspective. Share your thoughts after the conversion as a forum response in less than 150 words:
★ Reflect on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stands out?
★ What Daring Leadership tool is going to make the biggest difference to you as an educational leader?
★ How can you be prepared as a culturally responsive leader, to handle conflict and crisis as it arises? What biases or assumptions might you hold?
★ How have you/could you foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback at your kura/your team?
Resources:
- Dare to Lead, Brene Brown, Part 1: Section 5 (page 165-181 with a focus on page 174).
- Whānau, hapū, iwi, Māori communities and schools working together (Page 6-11): https://www.ppta.org.nz/communities/tangata-whenua/document/551
- Leading from the Middle: Educational Leadership for Middle and Senior Leaders, page 18 https://www.educationalleaders.govt.nz/Leadership-development/Key-leadership-documents/Leading-from-the-middle
Additional/Optional Readings:
- TED TALK: Why good leaders make you feel safe: Simon Sinek, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmyZMtPVodo
- Marshall Diggs – Courageous Conversations – https://youtu.be/3RT0Fgirlv0?si=1IO_HaE0o-yrb52K
- Emma Kingston – Leading with Courage – https://youtu.be/Eq1gU1FDFpg?si=IsHdSDYVxlyiDIEf
Assessment:
- Completion of all readings.
- Participation in the online forum discussion.
- Submission of reflection on the forum.
8 Responses
Kia ora tātou,
Heath, Leanne and I met last week of term two and discussed the readings and takeaways. Here is a summary of our key takeaways:
I think that the biggest point that I took from Part one of the book is that trust is the accumulation of small moments when someone is vulnerable. It’s easy to criticise someone when something goes wrong, it’s harder to try and understand why something has gone wrong and reflect on whether it is something that you have done that has led to this moment. Is jumping to a conclusion at the moment what’s best for the individual? How is it seen to other members of the team if you do so in a public manner? I think that the biggest ‘Dear to lead’ tool that I will take out of the book is identifying values within your group. Knowing the values of your members I think is vital in knowing how you manage them. Do they value their family above all, make sure that you ask about them often and make them feel a part of the team as well. Is their greatest value their career, then finding them PD for furthering their career is a top priority. I think that by knowing team members’ values you can lean into them and make them feel more appreciated and therefore grow the trust between them and you.
What stands out for me was the consistent notion of vulnerability is not weakness, but rather a courageous act. Behaviours like perfectionism, cynicism, and fear of taking risks are protective mechanisms that leaders and individuals use to shield themselves from shame and failure. While it seems to provide protection, it is actually heavy and prevents growth and connection, and being “seen” for who you are. She discusses the need to shift from “armored leadership” to “daring leadership” which requires letting go of self-protection and embracing discomfort. The introduction of “rumbling” as a metaphor for honest, vulnerable conversations is also highly significant. This involves engaging directly with discomfort, staying curious, and addressing problems rather than avoiding them, which is a good habit to develop.
Hauora – Aroha mai, I posted on the wrong Roopu
Kia ora Heath, Leanne, and Damon,
I liked your point about trust being built through small, vulnerable moments—it’s a powerful reminder that leadership isn’t about grand gestures, but about how we show up in everyday interactions. Your reflection on how we respond when things go wrong is also really thought-provoking. It indeed takes real courage to pause, reflect, and consider our role rather than jumping to conclusions—especially in the heat of the moment.
I also think your takeaway about identifying and leaning into team members’ values is such a practical approach to leadership. It demonstrates empathy, respect, and a genuine desire to lead in a way that is responsive to people as individuals. That kind of intentional connection builds trust. Ngā mihi
As discussed above by Laura and Wessel. With feeling valued, supported with trust and safety being present and in the relationship/space, then constructive feedback and open dialogue can freely occur. I still believe these conversations can be ‘sticky’ at times and not nice. However, through these foundations being built, the hope is that these conversations will happen and there will be movement forward. Which is in the best interests of everyone, especially the students in which we teach and work with.
Through coming from a position of being curious and ‘not-knowing’ will reinforce and reassure the person of the values, trust and respect that is present within your relationship, hence opening space to be open, honest and vulnerable. Possibly, sharing of times in which this may of happened in your journey or something similar can also ease the intensity of the team member feeling isolated or that they are the only one to make a mistake of this kind. I think this would lessen the narrative of them thinking I come from a place of judgment which isn’t the case. I know at the moment I have a team member who has had a few complaints made against her for being ‘hard’ and showing little empathy. I know her personal story as we did a “getting to know you” document at the start of the year, and she has been through some rough times of recent, however her happy place is school- normality. What I find that is working for me is firstly, taking the time to think/reflect and create space between the problem and the person. “Being less reactive”. Secondly, how I can externalize this problem, so it isn’t owned by the person and can therefore be addressed more effectively. We give points in every pathways session, we have five whanau that come through each week that can earn 10 points each day (8 classes in pathways so a total of 80 points per whanau for a cup that is presented weekly). She is giving 4/10 each week for one whanau, we are all giving 8, 9, 10. Her class believe she isn’t clear with her expectations and penalises them for one student making poor choices (He has ADHD). I asked her… If I was ‘scoring a 10’, what would that look like? How might I earn back some credit if I change my behaviour, is that a possibility? How many students affect the score? What if someone has a bad day as we all do?
She listened, thought and came up with an idea of putting a laminated rubric up on the wall explaining what each score could look like. She also began reflecting on the types of students in her class and discussed how her ADHD Grandson was being treated in his school and how he was bullied by his outbursts. I asked if she has students like this in her classes. She acknowledged she did. I asked what scores do their whanau get in her class and how might this affect their relationships with their peers? She smiled.
Next time her class was given a 9/10.
It hasn’t always been smooth sailing with this staff member but through honest conversations and discussion about my own times of challenges, showing vulnerability as stated in the resources, she has acknowledged I am only there to support her.
Kia ora Mark,
You’ve highlighted the importance of trust, safety, and curiosity as foundations for open dialogue—especially when conversations are challenging.
Your strategy of separating the problem from the person and using open, reflective questions is a powerful way to support growth without judgment. The way you’ve built connection through vulnerability and empathy, rather than authority, really stands out.
It’s great to see how this approach has already had a positive impact on the thinking and practice of your team member. Your reflection provides valuable insight into what effective and compassionate leadership looks like. Ka rawe!
To foster open dialogue and constructive feedback within my department, I have strived to building a foundation of trust and psychological safety environment. As proposed by Simon Sinek, allowing individuals to speak openly without fear. How can we grow as a deparment if this is not a foundation to build on. As a leader, I need to model my own vulnerability, actively seeking and responding to feedback, and establishing clear channels for communication. Marshall’s advice resonated with me and not going into difficult conversations with a closed mindset, being open to feeling the tension but remember “Clear is kind”, be specific and don’t make generic statements.
Upon reflecting on difficult conversations, there was a situation last term. I had to contact the parents to collect their child due to an allegations of dangerous behaviour. I ensured that I was clear with the issue and what the next steps would be for the child. I reinforced that the call was for the safety of the child and there was no judgement from me. I allowed the parents to discuss the issue with me and how we could move forward and repair the harm with our school community.
Kia ora Laura,
It’s clear that you’re committed to creating a safe and trusting environment where open dialogue can thrive. Your reference to Simon Sinek and the emphasis on psychological safety highlights your intentionality in fostering a positive team culture.
I also liked your reflection on approaching difficult conversations with clarity and openness, as Marshall’s advice suggests. “Clear is kind” is such a powerful reminder, and you demonstrated that well in your interaction with the parents. By focusing on safety, listening without judgment, and involving them in the solution, you modelled both empathy and professionalism. Ka rawe!
Fostering a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback starts with trust and safety. Simon Sinek’s idea that good leaders make people feel safe resonated deeply with me. I feel supported by my Principal and DP, which gives me the confidence to take risks and admit mistakes. Knowing I’m backed by leadership helps me extend that same sense of safety to my own team.
Within my team, we embrace our differences and see them as strengths. We understand that our varied backgrounds shape our perspectives, and we approach these differences with curiosity rather than judgment. This foundation makes open, even difficult, conversations easier and more productive.
One experience that highlighted this was when I had to address a serious issue with a student who has ASD and is a recent immigrant. Before speaking to the student, I met with his whānau to share what had happened, seek their input, and explain the approach I intended to take. Their involvement made the dialogue more meaningful and built trust. When people know conversations come from a place of care, they are more open and willing to engage honestly. That’s the kind of culture I aim to foster every day.
Kia ora Wessel,
Your commitment to fostering trust and psychological safety within your team is evident and aligns well with Simon Sinek’s leadership principles. It’s encouraging to see how the support you receive from senior leadership empowers you to model that same safety for others.
Your emphasis on valuing diverse perspectives and approaching differences with curiosity reflects inclusive and empathetic leadership. The example involving the student with ASD and their whānau highlights your respectful and collaborative approach, reinforcing the importance of care and cultural responsiveness in building trust.
Your leadership clearly contributes to a positive and supportive team culture. Ka rawe!