Due: End of Term 2/3 school holidays
NB: We have had a technical issue which has been brought to our attention, and this module was not displayed online as per the timeline – our apologies.
Mā mua ka kite a muri; Mā muri ka ora a mua.
Those who lead give sight to those who follow; Those who follow give life to those who lead.
Module Objectives:
- Understand the dynamics of challenging conversations.
- Develop and apply strategies for effective communication in challenging situations.
- Explore and apply various conflict resolution strategies.
- Foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback.
- Identify and address personal biases and assumptions that may impact communication and conflict resolution.
“To lead effectively we’re responsible for respecting and leveraging the different views and staying curious about how they can often conflict.” (Dare to Lead, page 174).
As educational leaders, we often have a different horizon and perspective to our colleagues.
Even as teachers wearing different ‘hats’, for example, on different curriculum committees, we will be focused on different goals. It’s up to us, as leaders, to communicate our perspective, try to use our empathy skills to see from our colleagues’ perspectives, and rumble enough to get on the same page when we can. So how do we do this?
“Developing a disciplined practice of rumbling with vulnerability gives leaders the strength and emotional stamina to dare greatly.” (Dare to Lead, Page 167).
There is a need to empower school leaders with conflict management training before they assume their leadership positions.
Provocation/Task:
“The only thing I know for sure after all of this research is that if you’re going to dare greatly, you’re going to get your ass kicked at some point. If you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage. That’s why it’s so rare.” (Brene Brown, Dare to Lead).
Choose a question(s) to discuss with your learning partner, via email/phone/online conversation. You might want to share a particular challenging conversation you have had recently or have coming up with your learning partner and seek advice from a different perspective. Share your thoughts after the conversion as a forum response in less than 150 words:
★ Reflect on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stands out?
★ What Daring Leadership tool is going to make the biggest difference to you as an educational leader?
★ How can you be prepared as a culturally responsive leader, to handle conflict and crisis as it arises? What biases or assumptions might you hold?
★ How have you/could you foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback at your kura/your team?
Resources:
- Dare to Lead, Brene Brown, Part 1: Section 5 (page 165-181 with a focus on page 174).
- Whānau, hapū, iwi, Māori communities and schools working together (Page 6-11): https://www.ppta.org.nz/communities/tangata-whenua/document/551
- Leading from the Middle: Educational Leadership for Middle and Senior Leaders, page 18 https://www.educationalleaders.govt.nz/Leadership-development/Key-leadership-documents/Leading-from-the-middle
Additional/Optional Readings:
- TED TALK: Why good leaders make you feel safe: Simon Sinek, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmyZMtPVodo
- Marshall Diggs – Courageous Conversations – https://youtu.be/3RT0Fgirlv0?si=1IO_HaE0o-yrb52K
- Emma Kingston – Leading with Courage – https://youtu.be/Eq1gU1FDFpg?si=IsHdSDYVxlyiDIEf
Assessment:
- Completion of all readings.
- Participation in the online forum discussion.
- Submission of reflection on the forum.
30 Responses
While all Daring Leadership tools are valuable, the tool that resonated with me the most was Rumbling with Vulnerability. There were many great takeaways that helped me to reflect as a leader. In my years of teaching, I have realised how truly important trust is. Education thrives on trust. When leaders, teachers, and even students feel safe enough to be vulnerable by admitting mistakes, asking for help, sharing struggles, or voice unconventional ideas, it creates an environment of psychological safety. This is incredibly important when implementing new teaching practises, asking for honest feedback, or addressing student needs. Rumbling with vulnerability means openly discussing the many challenges that come with being an educator and leader.
The ”Rumbling with vulnerability” strategy helped me to think about how to approach conversation with empathy and courage. Again, a great way to circle back to Radical Candor. It’s about being brave enough to sit in discomfort and work through it constructively. But the challenge is, allowing myself to be vulnerable and sit in the discomfort. It is linked to having a growth mindset; the willingness to model courage and embrace continuous learning infront of team members. When modelling vulnerablity as a leader, this helps builds authentic connections, which are vital for inspiring shared commitment, ownership and success in achieving strategic goals of our kura.
It was also a great opportunity to discuss these with my Critical Colleagues, Caroline and Nathalie. It helped me realised that as leaders, we are all in the same waka and experiencing the same experiences.
Such a powerful and authentic reflection that shows your deep understanding of what it means to lead with courage and connection. Your commitment to modelling vulnerability and fostering psychological safety will have a lasting impact on your team’s trust, growth, and willingness to take risks. Sharing these insights with your critical colleagues also highlights the strength that comes from collective reflection and knowing you’re not alone in the journey. Absolutely fabu;ous:)
My discussion with Craig and Alicia helped solidify learnings from the reading and videos from this module.
In Dare to Lead, what stood out was the phrase “rumbling with vulnerability,” and having the balance to work out what amount of vulnerability is ‘just right’. Also, being able to rely on ‘muscle memory’ in the conversations to allow you to do higher thinking.
The supporting videos from Marshall and Emma helped give some really useful guides for having these conversations as well. I find having a framework and going through my part of the conversation beforehand helps me find the purpose more clearly and keeps the main thing, the main thing. I often find that the more I talk about the situation to make things feel better but this can blur the point of the conversation. The reminder that ‘being clear is kind, unclear is unkind’ really resonated with me.
Talofa lava Kirsty – Your reflection shows real thoughtfulness and a desire to lead with both clarity and care. You’ve captured the challenge and importance of finding that “just right” level of vulnerability, while also staying purposeful and grounded in conversations. Using frameworks and preparing with intention shows strong leadership practice and your takeaway that “clear is kind” is a powerful guide for building trust and effectiveness in every interaction. Love it!
It was great to connect with Kirsty and Craig and hear their thoughts and self reflections in this space. For myself, a key take away from our online catchup was the concept of leading with courage while balancing vulnerability. ‘Rumbling with vulnerability’ can be an effective tool as a leader, but too much vulnerability without boundaries can be unhelpful. Leading with others, not in isolation. As a culturally responsive leader, I need to guide others to respect different opinions and values, especially during times of change (which is a lot in my setting this year).
Kia ora te teama. I had a great korero with Alicia and Kirsty and we spoke a lot about courageous conversations which is a tool I found to be beneficial for where I am at in my leadership journey. Here are my takeaways from our korero:
Courageous conversations require emotional regulation and self-awareness, allowing leaders to respond thoughtfully rather than react defensively. Leading with clarity and creating space for reflection fosters understanding and shared ownership. Embracing tension instead of rushing to resolve it can be powerful for growth. Maintaining open body language, upholding mana and manaakitanga, and using structured yet respectful communication tools strengthens trust. Ultimately, effective and authentic leadership is about tackling hard issues with humility, humour, and heart—bringing people along on the journey, not leaving them behind.
I actually implemented this during a difficult wider family conversation which ended up opening up to a lot of honesty and appreciation. Obviously, there’s a different relationship dynamic in place but still made me feel that this tool is very much a positive addition to my kete.
I agree with you here, “Courageous conversations require emotional regulation and self-awareness, allowing leaders to respond thoughtfully rather than react defensively” – and something at times that can be tricky to do. I appreciate that idea of ’embracing tension’ as well – so often in a leadership position, or my personality type, I have been a ‘fixer’, so taking time to reflect, step back before resolving, can provide perspective and balance to your thoughts.
To be prepared as a culturally responsive leader in times of conflict and crisis, you must commit to courageous vulnerability, deep self-awareness, and cultural humility. Brené Brown reminds us that clarity is kindness, especially in conflict. For me this means I must practise: Self-awareness before action – Know my values, emotional triggers, and leadership blind spots.
Grounded confidence – Show up with both strength and openness; cultural responsiveness requires me to listen to understand, not to defend.
Non-defensive curiosity – When a conflict arises, be ready to ask, “What’s the story I’m telling myself?” This question allows me to separate fact from bias and open space for multiple truths to coexist.
My takeaway from this is in order to lead responsively in conflict and crisis: I must provide culturally safe spaces where whānau, ākonga, and staff feel heard and respected. Challenge with compassion – Hold others to account without stripping their dignity. Brown reminds us that clear is kind. Restore mana by prioritising healing relationships, not just solving the problem. In Pasifika, Indian and Māori cultures, relational wellbeing is central.
Kia ora Susie. James Kerr in “Legacy” talks about knowing thyself as a leader which resonates with what you have written about self awareness – “Know my values, emotional triggers, and leadership blind spots” in times of conflict or crisis.
I agree Susie, it is so important to have good relationships with our learners as well, so if/when these conversations are had with them too, or whānau, they can also feel supported through the conversation. I also resonated with the “clear is kind,” sometimes saying less or being more concise is better as it leaves room for less error. I think both of these things connect well to one another, if they have a good relationship with us, these conversations have more understanding/respect behind them.
My take was to handle conflict and crisis well, a leader needs to understand their own feelings and biases and be kind but clear when talking with others. Marshall Diggs says it’s important to stay calm, give clear feedback and respect everyone’s dignity during difficult talks.
Good leaders listen carefully, care about others and use simple steps to explain what happened, how it made them feel and what they worry about. They make sure everyone feels safe to speak up.
It is really important for me to be a listener, “sit in the tension” and following Marshall’s tips on culturally responsive leaders.
1. Avoid rushing or rescuing the conversation.
2. Create space for the other person to speak in a culturally safe way
3. Ask: “How do you see this?”, “What’s important to you here?”, “What might I be missing?”
There isn’t one perfect way to lead—being brave and caring at the same time helps solve problems better.
The quote from Brené Brown , “Being clear is kind; being unclear is unkind” — but always keep respect and culture in mind.
Suzie and I agreed on the importance of having courageous conversations through questioning, be a listener, honouring mana and being culturally responsive is vital for genuine understanding.
Susie! What a powerful reflection that absolutely shows your commitment to leading with integrity, empathy, and cultural responsiveness. Your focus on self-awareness, grounded confidence, and non-defensive curiosity provides a really strong foundation for navigating conflict with care. By centring relational wellbeing and creating culturally safe spaces, you’re modelling the kind of leadership that restores mana and strengthens trust across your school community. Fabulous!
All the tools made for good reading. I think Learning to Rise is an important tool as we go on our leadership journey. Having a “thicker skin” often comes up when I am talking to colleagues about leading. Teaching requires a lot of sensitivity and involves many highly invested stakeholders. Balancing empathy and not taking things personally can be a challenge, particularly as you move up the leadership ladder. Learning to Rise can help us, and by extension, our students and colleagues, to see setbacks not as failures, but as opportunities to learn and grow. If a new initiative doesn’t quite work, or someone in our sphere struggles with a concept despite our best efforts, having resilience can help us to dust ourselves off and try a new approach. I think modelling this kind of “bounce-back” mentality is important if we want to foster a school culture where vulnerability is seen as a strength, and growth is prioritised over perfection. I definitely resonated with the idea that a lot of small steps and moments build trust…and are needed to maintain it.
*Reflection after talking with Nathalie and Andrea
Kia ora Caroline. I often speak to my student leaders about there being no such thing as failure. Just a way of finding out that something may not work as well. As teachers and leaders, we can also learn from this. A great tool for your kete.
I enjoyed reading your response. You’ve captured the tension in middle leadership so well. I agree that Learning to Rise is such a valuable tool – resilience and empathy aren’t easy to balance! Your reflection on modelling vulnerability and building trust through small, consistent moments really resonated with me.
Talofa lava Caroline! This is a really thoughtful and honest reflection that highlights the emotional complexity of leadership in education. Your insight about balancing empathy with resilience is really important, especially when leading through challenge or change.
Modelling from ‘Learning to Rise’ not only strengthens your own leadership, but helps build a school culture where trust, vulnerability, and continuous growth are genuinely lived values – and you get this! Let’s go Caroline!
I’m enjoying Dare to Lead and finding it more accessible than some of the other course readings. What stood out most to me was the idea that daring to lead comes with failures. Keeping this in mind might make those bumps feel easier to recover from.
A quote about trust resonated: “Trust is the stacking and layering of small moments and reciprocal vulnerability over time.” This perfectly reflects the trust I feel within my team—each small moment of backing each other, sharing advice, or being vulnerable helps build that trust.
Finally, I loved the paragraph on page 21: “Don’t grab hurtful comments and pull them close…” I connected with this. I’m hoping it helps me on my leadership journey. How I show up—my mood, attitude, openness—has an impact on others, and I think warmth and authenticity will serve me far better than defensiveness.
I love these quotes as well. Some good gems in this book!
Kia ora Nathalie. Dare to Lead is a great read I agree. Brene has many, many brilliant quotes. Here’s one of my favs:
“Those of us who are willing to rumble with vulnerability, live into our values, build trust, and learn to reset will not be threatened by the rise of the machines, because we will be part of the rise of the daring leaders.”
I agree with Caroline and Craig – some great quotes to hold close and reflect on.
Such a grounded reflection Nathalie! ‘Dare to Lead’ resonates on so many levels. You’ve captured the heart of trust-building – those small, everyday moments really do matter. Your focus on showing up with authenticity and letting go of defensiveness shows real leadership maturity and will no doubt have a positive ripple effect on those around you. Get the little things right and nine times out of ten you’ll avoid the big raruraru!
Alix’s Response: From Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead, I believe fostering a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback starts with modelling vulnerability and building trust. Brown’s message that “clear is kind” resonates strongly with me—creating a safe space for honest conversations means leading with courage, not comfort. To build this culture within my team, I would begin by establishing clear boundaries and shared values, using Brown’s BRAVING framework as a foundation for trust. I would ensure that feedback becomes a regular and expected part of our team routine, not just during appraisals, but embedded in meetings, reflections, and observations. I also see value in co-constructing team norms that support clear, kind, and specific communication. Supporting my team in engaging in constructive feedback means providing them with the tools and time to develop those skills. By openly sharing my own learning and inviting feedback on my leadership, I aim to normalise vulnerability and reduce the fear that can come with giving or receiving feedback (walking the walk). Ultimately, creating a feedback culture is about honouring our shared values through action, ensuring every voice feels heard and every person feels safe to grow; to establish, build, and continue to have a team where dialogue leads to deeper trust, learning, and collective team success.
Ana’s Response: How can you be prepared as a culturally responsive leader, to handle conflict and crisis as it arises? What biases or assumptions might you hold? Scenario: Team member is struggling but not open to revealing challenges they are going through personally and professionally, which is affecting team morale and their students.
LEANING INTO VULNERABILITY: I’m starting by being honest with myself and with them. I know that at the end of term we are landing in a stress-filled and tough spot, so I’m reaching out gently to let them know I’m concerned and want to understand what’s going on, even if they’re not ready to talk yet. / BRAVING: Setting clear expectations around deadlines and communication, but Also making sure to follow up consistently. I’m very aware colleagues are noticing the changes, so privacy is important to protect their dignity. I need to practice generosity and remind myself to assume positive intent because they are dealing with things I don’t see. / RUMBLE WITH TOUGH CONVERSATIONS: I’ve reached out privately, and when they’re ready, I’ll invite them for a chat without judgment and listen without pushing for quick answers. STORY-TELLING: I have assumptions, I think they’ve given up or are very overwhelmed, and have a very fixed mindset. But I need to be aware that cultural or personal factors could be influencing how they respond to pressure. LEAD WITH EMPATHY: I need to validate how they’re feeling and let them know I’m here to support them without trying to fix everything all at once. (I need to stop overcommitting). BUILD RESILIENCE; I’m keeping in mind that change takes time, staying open to ongoing communication, encouraging small steps forward, and celebrating any progress made. I want to support them to focus on what’s possible rather than what feels stuck from (fixed to growth mindset).
I liked the part where you aimed to ‘normalise vulnerability’. I think within team settings we should all be able to speak up without feeling judged about what we don’t know how to do or what we are finding challenging. I also liked the ‘walk the talk’ part that came soon after. Showing competence without perfection is a great way to lead by modelling.
I think the “walk the talk” concept is vital, as is making time and being open to feedback. I enjoy working in an environment where I feel trusted and I can see leaders “walking the talk”. I agree that normalising vulnerability is important and leading that charge by way of modelling can be helpful. Letting go of assumptions and spending the time to understand the perspective of others to better support them is another idea that I agree with.
Leaning into vulnerability was something that I have been reflecting on quite a lot since reading it. It is something that I find a challenge but think it is because I have been looking at it from the wrong angle. We need to be vulnerable if we are going to grow and make real change.
Kia ora Alix. Have you used Brene’s Braving Inventory Seven Elements – boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, non-judgement and generosity?
No, I haven’t – I will look into this 🙂 thank you!
Kia ora Alix! Yes – your plan to embed feedback into everyday practice and lead with clarity and courage shows a strong grasp of what it takes to build a thriving team culture! And Ana, your compassionate and culturally responsive approach to supporting a struggling colleague reflects real emotional intelligence and courage. It’s pretty obvious you’re walking alongside your people in this journey.
Both of you fabulous wahine are leading in ways that honour people and purpose, and your commitment to trust, growth, and relational leadership is inspiring. Way to go girls!