Due: End of Term 2/3 school holidays
NB: We have had a technical issue which has been brought to our attention, and this module was not displayed online as per the timeline – our apologies.
Mā mua ka kite a muri; Mā muri ka ora a mua.
Those who lead give sight to those who follow; Those who follow give life to those who lead.
Module Objectives:
- Understand the dynamics of challenging conversations.
- Develop and apply strategies for effective communication in challenging situations.
- Explore and apply various conflict resolution strategies.
- Foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback.
- Identify and address personal biases and assumptions that may impact communication and conflict resolution.
“To lead effectively we’re responsible for respecting and leveraging the different views and staying curious about how they can often conflict.” (Dare to Lead, page 174).
As educational leaders, we often have a different horizon and perspective to our colleagues.
Even as teachers wearing different ‘hats’, for example, on different curriculum committees, we will be focused on different goals. It’s up to us, as leaders, to communicate our perspective, try to use our empathy skills to see from our colleagues’ perspectives, and rumble enough to get on the same page when we can. So how do we do this?
“Developing a disciplined practice of rumbling with vulnerability gives leaders the strength and emotional stamina to dare greatly.” (Dare to Lead, Page 167).
There is a need to empower school leaders with conflict management training before they assume their leadership positions.
Provocation/Task:
“The only thing I know for sure after all of this research is that if you’re going to dare greatly, you’re going to get your ass kicked at some point. If you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage. That’s why it’s so rare.” (Brene Brown, Dare to Lead).
Choose a question(s) to discuss with your learning partner, via email/phone/online conversation. You might want to share a particular challenging conversation you have had recently or have coming up with your learning partner and seek advice from a different perspective. Share your thoughts after the conversion as a forum response in less than 150 words:
★ Reflect on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stands out?
★ What Daring Leadership tool is going to make the biggest difference to you as an educational leader?
★ How can you be prepared as a culturally responsive leader, to handle conflict and crisis as it arises? What biases or assumptions might you hold?
★ How have you/could you foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback at your kura/your team?
Resources:
- Dare to Lead, Brene Brown, Part 1: Section 5 (page 165-181 with a focus on page 174).
- Whānau, hapū, iwi, Māori communities and schools working together (Page 6-11): https://www.ppta.org.nz/communities/tangata-whenua/document/551
- Leading from the Middle: Educational Leadership for Middle and Senior Leaders, page 18 https://www.educationalleaders.govt.nz/Leadership-development/Key-leadership-documents/Leading-from-the-middle
Additional/Optional Readings:
- TED TALK: Why good leaders make you feel safe: Simon Sinek, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmyZMtPVodo
- Marshall Diggs – Courageous Conversations – https://youtu.be/3RT0Fgirlv0?si=1IO_HaE0o-yrb52K
- Emma Kingston – Leading with Courage – https://youtu.be/Eq1gU1FDFpg?si=IsHdSDYVxlyiDIEf
Assessment:
- Completion of all readings.
- Participation in the online forum discussion.
- Submission of reflection on the forum.
11 Responses
★ Reflect on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stands out?
Reflecting on Part 1, the ‘Clear is Kind, Unclear is unkind’ passage shows that even though difficult conversations are hard, if you are sugar-coating the conversation, or trying to not get to the nucleus of the problem than you are just kicking the can down the road.
If you have clear expectations, and someone is not meeting those expectations then they need to be told in a respectful manner, but they still need to be told. 95% of people who come to work want to do their best, and they don’t know what they don’t know, so if they are dropping the ball on a certain area you are only hurting them further but not alerting them to it. It is obviously going to be a difficult conversation to have because no one likes to be told they’re doing an average job, but if you make it clear what expectation they have faltered on then they can only grow from there.
Brené Brown argues that we avoid clarity because we fear conflict or awkwardness. But in reality, people want clarity, even when it’s hard to hear. Clarity shows respect. It says, “I trust you enough to tell you the truth.”
Reflect on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stands out?
– “Adaptability to change, hard conversations, feedback, problem solving, ethical decision making, recognition, resilience, and all of the other skills that underpin daring leadership are born of vulnerability”- this quote definitely stands out to myself and reinforces the understanding that being vulnerable with your colleagues really help to develop relational trust within a team or working environment. I believe this, and strong communication skills, are essential to developing as a leader. “Clear is kind” and “unclear is unkind” also supports the importance of communication and having those tough conversations. I think we can all relate to someone positive in our life who will speak the hard truths in a constructive and kind way, rather than the opposite, which supports a high functioning relationship and team in the workplace, or even in our personal lives.
In a recent experience that I had with a colleague in my team, was that she wanted to plan Topic differently and so we all spoke about this together during our Team Meeting. Having this colleague feel comfortable in the first place to ask for a change of plan showed that she felt comfortable being vulnerable with me and also with our team. Through this she was able to develop her skills as a leader and although it felt different having a team member take the lead in this discussion it also showed me that I had a created a safe environment for her to share her opinion and ideas. This to me shows relational trust and a high functioning relationship.
By Nathan and Monique
After discussing with my learning partner, I agreed that vulnerable rumbling can be really uncomfortable, especially in environments where people bring strong agendas or fixed mindsets!
One thing that stood out for me in Part 1 was the idea that trust and vulnerability grow together, and that choosing to turn away from vulnerability repeatedly can gradually erode trust. I also found the idea of leaders creating a “safe container” that Brené talked about to be interesting and that it’s not about a cozy or conflict-free space, but one where people feel supported enough to show up honestly. I also found the reminder helpful that vulnerability isn’t about oversharing but more openness, clarity, and being present.
I’m trying to be more intentional about using tools like “say more” and I liked the idea of clarifying what support looks like, both for myself and for others. I think that braver leadership means getting comfortable with the discomfort of these conversations and holding space for others to do the same.
I think reflecting on whose opinions matter is an important thing for me to personally keep in mind. I’m a big overthinker and definitely do like Brené said and cuddle with the unkind sometimes, instead of letting it go. We’re surrounded by feedback from students, parents, colleagues, and leaders and it’s easy to let every opinion take up space. I need to learn to identify the voices that are rooted in trust and shared values.
After reading ‘Dare to Lead’ and having a valuable discussion with my learning partner, a standout for me is that vulnerable rumbling can be uncomfortable and it is important to have the confidence to stay true to your values while also staying self aware. In an ideal world we would all rumble with vulnerability. However, in meetings and conversations there are often people with their own agendas or fixed viewpoints. That to me is when I must stick with the Daring Leadership tool of using specific rumble starters to delve deeper, create open dialogue, rather than putting the armour back on.
When discord or conflict arises it is important to remember that each person is invested, that is why the tough conversations are happening. Biases or assumptions I may hold can come from previous experiences and self-conceived assumptions. That is when it is even more critical that I dig deep and rumble with vulnerability, while being open to see their viewpoints and how we can move forward together.
A starting point for me has been fostering a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback within my team to build relational trust. The level of open dialogue now compared to when I started in my current role this year is considerable. Each person in the team is having much more open conversations and we will be using key strategies from ‘Dare to Lead’ to continue our journey with having brave conversations.
Rumbling with vulnerability. The heart of this is connection: Connection takes Time:
Time to
– invest in yourself,
– invest in others and building trust
– allow for rumbling – to be honest, create belong and acceptance to take risks
In thinking about what is the challenge for this “Shame – when tied to productivity’ jumped out at me. How do I and those I work with measure or see productivity, and how is this a challenge to the time and processes needed to build the connected needed to build a team.
Psychological safety is key to being able to provide tough feedback and difficult conversations, to see and admit mistakes or questioning processes as part of building a better product or work environment. When I value’ productivity’ to solve the problem- over the twenty minutes need to build the secure space for people to contribute and be open and vulnerable to the changes and challenges, the result is a narrower and not as inclusive or effective outcome.
When we met online as learning partners, we discussed what stood out from Dare to Lead part 1. We discussed how vulnerability looks different for everyone and dependent on the courageous conversation you are having, you are vulnerable in different ways e.g. sharing the impact someones actions maybe having on you to achieve your goals, or having colleagues observe your teaching in action as a point for reflection and growth. This could be for both the person you are having the courageous conversation with and also yourself as you open yourself up for feedback from them to model professional reflection.
We also discussed Marshall Diggs point of being clear to be kind. We all agreed how important this is and how setting clear outcomes for these conversations, rather than having a round about conversation will support with achieving a change that benefits those being impacted by the person you needing to have the courageous conversation with.
We all reflected on how daring conversations relied on high relational trust and that this underpins the success of the conversation, and forms an important element of any leadership style.
Module 6 ★ Reflect on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stands out?
What stood out most in reading Dare to Lead was the idea that “clear is kind, unclear is unkind.” This reframed how I view honest conversations, especially when they feel uncomfortable. I certainly don’t like spending ‘time in the tension’ but I take on the advice in Marshall’s video about trying to stay in the tension, as this is where, often, the ‘ownership transfers’.
Simon Sinek’s TED Talk Why Good Leaders Make You Feel Safe also resonated. I feel supported by my Principal and DPs, and I’ve reflected on how this trust has developed over the years, especially through their support with challenging situations. This module reminded me that trust takes time, and as I lead a new team, I am aware that this trust is being earned and nurtured through consistency and transparency.
Listening to Marshall Diggs discuss self-connection before speaking reminded me how important it is to pause and reflect before entering difficult conversations. I’ve gone into tricky discussions straight from a busy classroom, without taking time to find clarity—and I’ve seen how that can negatively impact the outcome. As a culturally responsive leader, I’m learning to slow down, be fully present, and consider any biases or assumptions I may bring into the space. I enjoyed the phrase, “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” As someone who is naturally warm and relational, I take with me that this small gesture acts as a simple tool to ease tension and build connection.
After meeting over Zoom with my learning partners and discussing our recent or upcoming challenging conversations, we discussed key points that have or will help us, mainly from the ‘Dare to Lead’ reading. We talked about the importance of being ‘clear to be kind’ and how it is important to have evidence before having conversations. We also talked about how rumbling with vulnerability is so important and how this is easier if you have high-trust relationships and how having curiosity within these conversations helps to make informed decisions. I personally also liked practicing these conversations in smaller scales and the 30-minute fact-finding conversations which helps if we are both on the same page. An action that I would like to take is having the rumbling starters with me to help with sentence starters.
From Melody Liu and Kara Napier
★ How have you/could you foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback at your kura/your team?
To foster open dialogue and constructive feedback, vulnerable leadership is key. Leaders should admit mistakes and seek feedback, setting a safe example for the team. It’s crucial to establish clear expectations and boundaries for feedback, emphasizing positive intent and encouraging individuals to “dare greatly” rather than becoming defensive.
Empathy and psychological safety are paramount, promoting an environment where staff feel secure enough to take risks and offer honest input. Developing “rumble skills”—the ability to engage in difficult conversations with curiosity—is also vital, reframing feedback as a “gift” for growth. Finally, ensuring action and follow-through on feedback demonstrates its value, encouraging continued engagement and trust within the team. The aim is to reduce emotional armor, moving from a need to be right to a space of curiosity and shared growth.
You synthesised this so well, in the ‘need to be right to a space of curiosity and shared growth- these conditions make for effective rumbling and better decision making. Thanks