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Module 5

Communication and relational trust

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication.

It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

-Stephen Covey.

 

Module Objectives:

  • Identify and adapt communication styles.
  • Build and maintain relational trust.
  • Apply emotional intelligence to communication.
  • Reflect and apply learning to practice.

 

Communication

Our communication style affects our relationships. Intentionally growing our communication skills gives us the opportunity to utilise self-awareness, self-management and social awareness Emotional Quotient skills.

You will be aware already that within your team there are a number of different personalities and communication styles. Understanding and navigating these differences and paying attention to which styles our teammates gravitate towards, can improve our interpersonal skills, build trust, and help us get more done with less frustration. 

There are many different analytical systems used to identify communication styles. One of the more well-known is DISC profiling. (Often used by recruitment companies to ‘find the right person’ for effective team cohesion.)

Essentially, the 4 main communication styles are: Dominant, Influence, Conscientious and Steady. See the link in the resources section for more information.

Investing time in developing our EQ around how best to communicate as a leader and facilitator with each of these personality/communicator types leads to stronger working relationships and more cohesive, productive teams. Connecting with team members who sit in different quadrants requires slightly different approaches.

Many of you will be aware that our responses to situations will invariably be influenced by the internal and external factors at play in our lives. As aspiring and emerging leaders, the time we invest in developing relationships with our team members is vital to establishing an understanding for what is going on in their lives both within and beyond our kura.

In times of stress any communication style can be impacted by a person’s innate ‘default’ setting and so understanding this and being aware of what each team member’s default setting is can give you, as a leader, an early signal that all is not well.  These communication styles are overtly assertive, passive, passive-aggressive and straight out aggressive.

 

Relational Trust

“High trust relationships exist when leaders are respected for their deep educational knowledge, their actions and values, and the way they engage respectfully with others with empathy and humility, fostering openness in discussions. Leaders have good emotional intelligence and self-awareness.”

– Educational leadership capability framework, Education Council, 2018.

Trust provides a strong foundation for effective working relationships which, ultimately, has a positive impact on student achievement. Trust has been shown time and time again to have a huge benefit in leading change and in creating great teams. Teams and schools with trusting relationships have staff who are open to sharing practice, taking risks and sharing what is and isn’t going well in their teaching. However, it does not happen by accident and it is not built in the same way for every person, depending on their personal narrative. As a newer leader, it is important to intentionally work to build trust with colleagues, whānau and community. So how do you do this? Below are some aspects to consider but do look through the resources below too.

  • Trust goes both ways. Actively extend trust and assume positive intent, if you would like others to trust you in return.
  • Be respectful and show integrity in all interactions and decisions.
  • Demonstrate competence in what you do. This can be a tricky one for a new leader. You will need to patiently build credibility through your interactions with others and transparency in showing your practice. Be a professional at all times. Keep up to date with, and implement, best practice in your teaching.
  • But this doesn’t mean you need to know everything! Be a learner and be humble. Everyone in your team will have something to bring to the table and every person will have their own perspectives that you can learn from. Take the time to learn from others.
  • Be consistent and keep the students at the heart of everything you do.

 

 

Task: Due 16th May 9am

Think about what you have learned about communication and trust and apply it in the following two ways:

  1. Comment on a fellow delegate’s post from this module and give them feedback. Be mindful of how you might come across, given your preferred method of communication. Also be aware of how you might begin to build trust between yourself and a fellow delegate, prior to meeting them in person at the Emerging PLG and, hopefully, commenting further on each other’s posts in the forum.
  2. Reflect using the thinking frame, “I used to think, now I think….” to share your learning from this module in the forum in 150 words or less.

Now is also a great time to get in touch with your learning partner and check in on how they are getting on, as we draw close to the end of the term.

 

Resources:

Communication and DISC:

Trust:

 

Optional Resources:

  • “4 Communication Styles and How to Navigate Them in the Workplace” – https://www.atlassian.com/blog/inside-atlassian/how-to-navigate-diverse-communication-styles-at-work
  • ‘The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organisations by Encouraging People’  By Gary Chapman and Paul White
  • ‘Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when the Stakes are High’ By K. Patterson, J. Grenny, R. McMillan and A. Switzler
  • Stephen Covey’s book, “The Speed of Trust” and his many videos on YouTube are also worth looking into as an optional extra.

 

31 Responses

  1. Kia ora koutou,
    Until recently I used to think that the dynamics within the leadership team was more about power and control. Unpacking the DISC model I was woken to very different styles views and traits. Some I would avoid having a conversation because I have come to realise I am a person who sits in the steadiness of the DISC model, when I honestly thought I was more of a conscientiousness type. Holding PE/Health and EOTC units I work collaboratively with my colleagues and thought my communication was effective. Sharing my ideas, gaining feedback, collaborating was what I thought was the right thing to be doing. Unpacking the deeper layers of my communication patterns and leadership identity, especially in relation to the DISC model is the fear of failing by letting people down was in the forefront for me. Being lead teacher in PE/Health and EOTC requires me to lead with confidence and trust in my professional judgement. I am now recognising the tension between keeping others happy and valuing my own ideas shows I am stepping into more empowered, courageous leadership. Trust is the foundation of effective teams, and it’s built through consistent, respectful communication. As a developing leader, growing awareness of how your presence, tone, and responsiveness shape the team culture in turn tautoko the foundation of trust and loyalty.

    1. Thank you Lisa. Yes trust is important but it’s just as important to actually back yourself. Not in an arrogant big headed way but just by having confidence in yourself to have made the right decision at the time. The akonga and your fellow kaiako can sense when you are hesitant about what you are doing. Have faith that you are the leader and others will follow.

  2. I used to think that trust was something that someone else should earn from me. Now I appreciate that I can help initiate or foster more trusting relationships by being more open, extending trust and positive intent towards others, and being brave enough to be more vulnerable. While I think I’ve always respected and supported other people who put themselves in vulnerable positions, perhaps I should be more willing to make the first move. I can also practise assuming positive intent from others more.

    I also used to think that Dominant personalities were favoured for leadership positions, while also thinking there must be other ways. I now find it reassuring that other personality types are recognised by the DISC model as leadership styles and a mix as valuable.

    I’ve also had the uneasy thought of how does practising accountability to promote the impression of competence in a leader mix with vulnerability-based trust. I am keen to hear others’ thoughts on this…

    1. You are right Richard. There is an inherent contradiction between the two dispositions. I liked your response. People will respect your quiet competence and the suggestions for change you have made will only add to your mana.

  3. ‘We can choose the attitude we bring to our work.’ This line in ‘Fish’ resonated with me. We all know that bringing excitement and energy to our lessons gets our tamariki excited and wanting to be involved. This also applies when working with our colleagues. Reading the descriptions of the DISC communication styles, I can see that even though many of my colleagues (including myself) have characteristics that lean more towards 1 style, there is a lot of overlap. Understanding my communication style is equally if not more important than observing my colleagues and being aware of theirs. In the last 6 months we have had a few role changes within our team and it is still evolving. I have taken on more of a leadership role which has been tricky and getting ‘buy in’ sometimes has been a challenge. For me as well as for my team there have been a lot of unknowns but through communication, trusting each other, and drawing on each others strengths we seem to navigating our way through the challenges and changes.

  4. I used to wonder how I could effectively work with certain personalities in a workplace (when I could see a completely different leadership style to my own) but I see there is a need for every leadership style to make a dynamic team.
    The DISC model is a simple framework that has given me a lot of insight into other peoples personality types and leadership styles. It has helped me see how I can approach certain people differently than I do already and communicate in a way that works for both of us. I have a greater understanding of working styles and this has helped me gain insights into myself and others, this has given way to healthier team environment also. I can also use DISC model with students especially when there is friction between us. I can see I could use different communication styles to meet the needs of a student better.
    Since reading this module I have enjoyed observing senior leaders in my own school and the schools my children attend. I am interested to observe their innate styles and the strengths of these styles. It has certainly sparked my curiosity.

    1. Thanks Celeste. You seem to have the advantage of knowing your team really well so changed roles are not as jarring as new members of the team might be. I’m pleased you enjoyed Fish. I loved that book and the feeling that change is always possible.

    2. I love your positive and interested response Fleur. Having an increased awareness of our need to communicate differently with different types of people will help all aspects of life although I imagine you’ve been doing this without thinking about it forever. In a simple form, look at how as a child you changed your approach to your parent according to how you perceived their receptiveness.

    3. Kia ora Fleur
      I liked your point about the inclusion of each leadership style in a team and how this would make a dynamic team. It is important as a leader to identify strengths in others to help staff feel valued and increase confidence, motivation and performance.

  5. I used to think that becoming and being a leader was all about being really knowledgeable in a specific academic area. After reading this module’s information—and even though I kind of knew it on a surface level—I now realise that being a leader is so much more about the emotional connection you have with students, teachers, whānau, and the wider community.
    This line really resonated with me: “School leaders have a strong indirect influence on student achievement. One of the factors in that influence is trust.” It was really interesting to read about the impact effective leadership and trust among colleagues can have on student achievement, and how easily this can be overlooked.
    Something that stood out to me was how the times I’ve felt like I’ve lost trust or respect for leadership usually line up with the four key points mentioned in Relational trust as a resource for school improvement (Robinson, 2009, p. 1900).
    I’ve also come to better understand the communication style I naturally connect with, as well as the strengths and possible downsides of that style. It’s something I know I need to keep in mind when I eventually step into a leadership role.

    1. Isn’t it interesting when we supposedly learn something when actually what really happens is the realisation that what we suspected all along is supported by evidence. What you have said reminds me of the question about what is the most important thing in the world and the answer, He tangata, he tangata, tangata.
      Keeping working at those relationships Kayleigh because as you see, everybody benefits.

    2. You have made such a great point Kayleigh, I too assumed this as the leadership at my school are always the leads in certain areas such as maths, literacy etc. There are so many more layers to being a leader and looking at the learners, school and community as a whole to enable to right decision are made.

      1

      1. I agree Jade, Kayleigh’s point hits right at home for me too. I thought you had to be not only have knowledge but “tick” all the boxes when taking up this role. Over time I have realised that this is not the case, hence the journey I am now on. So many layers to leadership.

        1

  6. I used to think effective communication was mainly about being clear and direct. Now I think it’s just as important to adapt to others’ communication styles and listen with intention. Learning about the DISC model helped me recognise my own style and consider how I can better engage with those who communicate differently from me. I’ve realised that taking the time to pause, listen, and respond with empathy builds stronger connections, especially during challenging moments. The link between communication and trust stood out; trust isn’t built in a single moment but through consistent, respectful interactions over time. As a developing leader, I’m learning that humility and emotional intelligence are essential to earning trust and creating a safe, collaborative environment. This module has made me more aware of how my daily conversations influence the culture of my team and the importance of being intentional in how I show up.

    1. Thank you Lauren. Yes it’s important to understand how much our own bearing and attitude sets the mood. Taking time to pause and reflect is obviously really important too. This is so difficult when we are all under time constraints and with so much on our schedules. You have the right attitude.

    2. Hey Lauren, I agree with your comment about how understanding your communication style through the DISC model can support out to enagge with others different form yourself. I feel the same way. I feel that trust and communication is so often overlooked in the workplace and especially in teaching and it was good for this to be brought to my attention too.

    3. I couldn’t agree more Lauren – that trust is built in the small moments over time. I also love the idea that daily conversations influence the culture of the team and being intentional about how we show up has such a huge impact on those we interact with.

    4. Kia ora Lauren

      You made lots of points that really connected to how I feel as well. I agree that responding with empathy is so important for building stronger connections with our colleagues. Building these relationships and the trust that comes with that, is so important so that when tough conversations happen, there can be a positive way forward.

      Your comment about being intentional about how we show up is really reflective. This can be hard at times if we have a lot on or are not very regulated, but we all know the impact our mindset can have on our students, so it makes sense that this can impact our colleagues as well.

  7. It has been interesting to reflect on communication styles through these readings. I communicate with people differently depending on my experience with them, however, I have not looked closely at the different communication styles. The information in the Sarah Goff-Dupont article, 4 communication styles and how to navigate them in the workplace, about best practice and what to avoid when communicating with different styles, was thought provoking and really made me reflect on where I sit in these styles and what I do well, or not so well, when communicating with my colleagues. I think it will be something I reflect on more, particularly if I need to have a challenging conversation or when I am working in coaching mode one on one.

    Another aspect of communication that continues to grow in importance the more I work in this role is that of listening first. What is the other person trying to communicate? Listen and pause, as my colleague Kim says, so I can respond in an appropriate way.

    One last thought, the importance of changing your conversations to create the culture you want in your work place – choose your attitude. The Fish book has been a good reminder that we can change how people feel in our workplace, even when we can’t change the work (curriculum changes etc). Leaders can set the tone in our schools by the conversations we have with others about moving through the challenges.

    1. Thanks Anna. I loved Fish when I first read it because I think we all love a ‘comeback story’. You make a good point about listening. It is quite a temptation when we are all so busy to take a deep breath and give people the time they deserve. We are all so tempted to jump to conclusions about what we think they are going to say. Letting them speak and listening attentively is a great start.

    2. Thanks for sharing your reflection, they really resonated with me. It’s great that you’re exploring different communication styles and thinking more intentionally about how you interact with others. The reminder to “listen and pause” is such a valuable one, especially when conversations get tough.

      I also liked your point about choosing your attitude and how our daily conversations help shape workplace culture.

  8. I decided to challenge my thoughts on the MOE and see what they had to say as to be honest many things said by them simply don’t fit my school and way of thinking. Building and sustaining high trust relationships did however resonate with my beliefs and one quote in particular that stood out was “Trust motivates individual behaviour, shapes social exchanges, and influences collective performance.” (Noonan, 2008).

    As a teacher who has also been a LSA (Learning Support Assistant), I will never ask my team to do something I wouldn’t do. For example personal cares, assisting with feeding, medical needs, personal programs and then of course the curriculum learning are all areas that we ALL need to support students with, there will never be a time where I will make an LSA carry out something because I don’t want to do it. I guess it links nicely with the known phrase “walk the walk, talk the talk,” leaders can not just sit and talk the talk, if they want to influence behaviour, change, and trust then they also have to walk the walk.

    Something else that really resonates with me if from “Fish!” – There is always a choice about the way you do your work, even if there is not a choice about the work itself. As teachers we have a lot that comes our way that is out of our control, but how we choose to react or complete the requirement is our choice. We could moan, procrastinate, moan some more and then eventually rush it, so we tick a box. OR we can plan it, be organised and do everything to the best of our ability and have pride in the work we have achieved.

    1. Thank you for that reply Jade. There are so many great teachers who began as you did as a teaching/learning assistant which is added to by your determination never to ask anyone to do something which you yourself wouldn’t do. Taking this hierarchy out of your classroom is very powerful. Well done!

  9. Kia ora whānau,

    I read “How the Best Leaders Build Trust” and was interested in his views on ‘cost’. What does low trust cost us, what can be gained by high trust? I hadn’t thought in those terms before.

    Funnily enough, I completed my job description goals this morning. My big goal is to have a sense of being better organised, to help maintain my work-life balance, but also to help provide certainty to my team and colleagues. So I sat up when I read about trust having two dimensions- character and competence- because this is highly relevant to me and my goals. (My goals and I?)

    E kī ana te whakataukī: Moea taku poi, moea taku taiaha. Being prepared (and organised) is one hallmark of a trustworthy leader, and there are clear benefits to the team as a result.

    I used to think trust was someone sticking to their word, now I think it is a combination of words and actions.

    Ngā mihi,
    Damian

    1. Yes you are right Damian. Words without the deeds to back them up look rather empty don’t they. So pleased that those readings came along at just the right time for your current mahi. Thank you for gifting us that wonderful whakatauki. It’s a keeper!

    2. Tau Kē Damian, I was taught by my whānau that your word is your trust/bond, so that is how I went through my childhood and adulthood. You say, you do. It really isn’t that at all. So much more to it. I will admit that looking at my PGC last week made me see my goals more clearer and with better intentions.

  10. “If you want to change your culture, change your conversations.” This particular quote from ‘Fish’ resonated with me a lot. It aligns well with the work we have been doing in our setting regarding cultural responsiveness and deficit thinking. Prior to our learning focussed meetings we get reminders from staff to make sure our discussions avoid any deficit thinking e.g., comments on the home environment. However this statement is also so pertinent to many different settings in our workplace e.g., the staffroom and around the photocopier.
    At the very beginning of my leadership journey I used to think my actions were important and I placed a lot of weight on them, but now I think what I say is equally as or more important.

    I really enjoyed unpacking the DiSC model of personalities and the way these were explained in some of the readings. Finding out the characteristics of each style is really valuable information as a leader. This sort of information can help us to communicate more effectively with different members of our staff, utilise staff strengths and develop a greater understanding of what others say and do. In other words, to build stronger relationships.
    I used to think that by providing solutions to problems I was helping others, but now I think people often just want to be heard.

    I was interested to discover the connection between what Louise Anaru was saying in her video and what Stephen Covey was saying about trust. Louise shared that she had an action plan for building relational trust and Stephen Covey talked about how the best leaders make the creation of trust an explicit objective. “It must become like any other goal that is focused on, measured, and improved.”
    I used to think building trust was mostly about relationships and communication but now I think competency and delivering results also contribute to maintaining and developing high trust.

    1. Kia ora Kim,
      Tau kē, well said. I think you have captured what ‘trust’ is, especially as you have identified there are different aspects of trust; not just talk and actions, but competency and results also play important roles.
      Nā,
      Damian

    2. I really like the DiSC model too. I spent too much time trying to fit people I know into the right categories.
      You had the disadvantage of being the first to post so haven’t been able to do the task relating to giving feedback on someone else’s post. Hopefully you have some to choose from soon.

    3. Kia ora Kim,

      I really liked your comment because you’ve done a great job of saying (more effectively than I could) what I too think, so thank you! I’ve always suspected that overindulging in negative conversations with colleagues is unhealthy, but you’ve gone further and made the connection to our work on this course.

      Your comment about Louise Anaru and Stephen Covey being explicit about creating trust also prompted me to consider whether trust is a byproduct of doing a good job or an essential ingredient for doing a good job… so thank you again!

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