Theme: Leading Others
Module Objectives:
- Understand the dynamics of challenging conversations.
- Develop and apply strategies for effective communication in challenging situations.
- Explore and apply various conflict resolution strategies.
- Foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback.
- Identify and address personal biases and assumptions that may impact communication and conflict resolution.
Due: 15th June
Mā mua ka kite a muri; Mā muri ka ora a mua.
Those who lead give sight to those who follow; Those who follow give life to those who lead.
“To lead effectively we’re responsible for respecting and leveraging the different views and staying curious about how they can often conflict.”
(Dare to Lead, page 174)
As educational leaders, we often have a different horizon and perspective to our colleagues.
Even as teachers wearing different ‘hats’, for example, on different curriculum committees, we will be focused on different goals. It’s up to us, as leaders, to communicate our perspective, try to use our empathy skills to see from our colleagues’ perspectives, and rumble enough to get on the same page when we can. So how do we do this?
“Developing a disciplined practice of rumbling with vulnerability gives leaders the strength and emotional stamina to dare greatly.”
(Dare to Lead, Page 167)
There is a need to empower school leaders with conflict management training before they assume their leadership positions.
Provocation/Task:
“The only thing I know for sure after all of this research is that if you’re going to dare greatly, you’re going to get your ass kicked at some point. If you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage. That’s why it’s so rare.” (Brene Brown, Dare to Lead).
Choose a question(s) to discuss with your learning partner, via email/phone/online conversation. You might want to share a particular challenging conversation you have had recently or have coming up with your learning partner and seek advice from a different perspective. Share your thoughts after the conversion as a forum response in less than 150 words:
★ Reflect on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stands out?
★ What Daring Leadership tool is going to make the biggest difference to you as an educational leader?
★ How can you be prepared as a culturally responsive leader, to handle conflict and crisis as it arises? What biases or assumptions might you hold?
- How have you/could you foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback at your kura/your team?
Resources:
- Dare to Lead, Brene Brown, Part 1: Section 5 (page 165-181 with a focus on page 174). Now is the time to get into this course text, if you haven’t already!
- Leading from the Middle: Educational Leadership for Middle and Senior Leaders, page 18 https://www.educationalleaders.govt.nz/Leadership-development/Key-leadership-documents/Leading-from-the-middle
Additional/Optional Readings:
- TED TALK: Why good leaders make you feel safe: Simon Sinek, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmyZMtPVodo
Assessment:
- Completion of all readings.
- Participation in the online forum discussion.
- Submission of reflection on the forum.
18 Responses
One idea that stood out to me from Part 1 of Dare to Lead was the concept of horizon conflict. As a team leader, I often work with people who bring different perspectives, experiences, and priorities to a discussion. This reminded me that effective leadership is not about having all the answers, but about helping people understand different viewpoints and getting everyone on the same path towards a shared goal.
The leadership tool that will make the biggest difference to me is recognising and navigating horizon conflict. As a Year 3 Team Leader and Maths Lead, I sometimes understand the reasoning behind a decision, while others may be more focused on the immediate impact in their classrooms. Taking the time to communicate the bigger picture, listen to different perspectives, and build shared understanding helps create trust and collaboration.
In Whānau Tī Kōuka, I want to continue fostering a culture where staff feel comfortable sharing ideas, discussing challenges, and working together to achieve the best outcomes for our students.
Whilst reading Dare to Lead Part 1, I have been reflecting on my own interactions as a leader and colleague. I feel that I am often honest and vulnerable when challenging conversations arise. Being honest about how you feel, using ‘I’ statements and expressing values is the best way to build trust. I need to work on my ability to ensure challenging conversations are constructive by using valuable questions like Brown’s rumble starters. Simply saying ‘Tell me why this doesn’t fit/work for you’ that provides opportunity for vulnerability and ultimately growth. This will be my focus in the coming weeks especially in our guidance meetings as we are navigating change.
Armoured and daring leadership was an interesting read because I am a person who strives on feedback good and bad, I want to please people and do the right thing for the team. I would like to think that I am building the capacity to be daring. Throughout my career I have seen aspects of both types of leadership. Armoured characteristics are detrimental to culture and trust.
Reflecting on Part 1 of Date to lead, a point that stood out to me was how if we want productive discussion and “beneficial” conflict we must also model and support the environment that creates it. This is not an easy or quick process but it essential to build the foundations of trust. I like the statement “the more we know, the more we want to know” as I think as teachers/leaders we are exposed to many connections in our profession that new learning always shows up. This fits in nicely to my leadership vision of everyone sharing their knowledge and input. I believe this fosters this environment and buy in from each person as that natural curiosity will be there. Also to finish, courageous conversations is something I have been working on for some time. The relationship between personal experiences and professional often cross over, so managing this and drawing on other areas of learning, like sports, is benificial.
One thing that stood out to me in Dare to Lead is horizon conflict. The fact that as team leader i have different horizons to my team in terms of goals and implementation of different tasks, often with information that my team does not have. This can sometimes lead to conflict when my team is asked to do something that they may not understand why. One thing i have found that helps with this is open conversations, and where possible, passing on that unknown info to my team, so that they are not left in the dark over new ideas or things that are coming down the pipeline.
Reflecting on this Module (Navigating Challenging Conversations and Conflict Resolution) Brené Brown’s reminder that “leadership is the ability to thrive in the ambiguity of paradoxes” deeply resonated during a high-pressure term at our school. High staff absences and mid-year reporting (plus production, sport camps and everything in between!) have pushed cognitive loads to the limit, heightening sensitivities.
True daring leadership means leaning into this friction through difficult conversations rather than avoiding them. By staying vulnerable, I can better read my team’s feelings, look past the surface stress, and ask “the why” behind their pushback to understand how to support them best.
Embracing the insight that “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care” shifts my focus from managing tasks to protecting the mana of our staff. Discussing this with my partners highlighted that “easy learning doesn’t build strong skills.” We must hold space for these uncomfortable rumbles to foster genuine, supportive dialogue.
Reflecting on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what I have found particularly helpful and relevant for me is the SBI (Situation – Behaviour – Impact) framework. Courageous conversations are a regular occurrence I am finding in my role – whether it be with a challenging student, difficult parents or when resolving issues within my team. It is so easy to get caught up in the administration of our role – report writing, data, marking, planning, new curriculum implementation. The human aspect can be easily forgotten at times.
Rumbling with vulnerability reminded me that while relationships are what we work so hard at and are always so conscious about protecting, reciprocal honest conversations are essential for personal progress and development. As part of our team observations, I have introduced both concepts to my team, and we have practised the application of both. It has been great to work alongside my team and share our learnings, discussing what has worked positively, and areas we need to improve. I have also found my teams feedback really helpful. Being able to foster open dialogue, and creating a high trust model within out team has made this process a lot less intimidating.
Reflecting on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, I’m reminded that handling challenging conversations is a massive part of my leadership role. Brené Brown’s assertion that “easy learning doesn’t build strong skills” is spot on. Being part of a large team means navigating a wide spectrum of opinions, such as our current staff split over the mana token system; while some find them highly effective, others feel they reward behaviours that should be intrinsically motivated.
If I don’t stay curious and look at this horizon conflict through a big-picture lens, I miss the chance to find a better solution. More importantly, if I’m not brave enough to engage in that uncomfortable conversation, I am failing to give the relationship its proper mana. By practicing vulnerability, I am actively working on building my grounded confidence. The more I lean into it, the less panicked I feel about not having all the answers or losing control of exactly where a hui’s and staff meetings land.
I have really enjoyed reading ‘dare to lead.’ An area that I have been trying to work on is having courageous conversations. I often shy away from ones where I need to be honest and vulnerable. As a natural ‘people pleaser’ I often find it hard to speak up and voice my opinion. Having courage has been the biggest stand out to me ’embrace the suck.’ On page 52 Brene states “The cave you fear to enter, holds the treasures you seek” which really resonsantes for me as often the things I can aiming for are the things that I fear the most.
The Daring Leadership tool that is going to make the biggest difference for me as an educational leader is rumbling with vulnerability and having courageous conversations. I like the BRAVING acronym, which makes the key points easy to remember. As conflicts arise I want to rememeber the idea of ‘choosing what’s right over whats easy’ (pg 229) and living into my values to pave the way forward. It all come back to trust though and building strong relationships with staff, caring about the small stuff, and making genuine connections.
I would like to practice some of the rumbling tools with my kura and share Brenes work with them. I think role plays and discussing the main ideas would be benefical for our staff and would set good foundations going forward.
I learnt about rumble starters and questions when I worked in ECE but never knew that they came from Brene Brown until I started reading the book. Ever since learning about them from my manager when I was training to be a Team Leader, I have always used them whether or not I was a team leader when I had an issue to bring up. I am naturally a people pleaser so I don’t like conflict but since becoming a team leader in Primary, I have learnt that conflict isn’t about people pleasing but resolving an issue in an honest, trusted and respected space, before it becomes a bigger thing- currently with my team I am able to bring up an issue and we can figure out ways to resolve it as a team that works best for all those involved (teachers, students, whanau, etc). I am a huge believer in collaboration in my team and that includes having their say, ideas and input when we are problem solving within our team.
In any team—whether business, educational, or sporting—there are often minor undercurrents that, while not currently affecting functionality, can disrupt dynamics if left to fester. This is currently the case within my own team. Consequently, I am finding the “Rumble Starters” and the BRAVING inventory from Brené Brown incredibly useful for developing a framework around potentially difficult conversations. The SBI (Situation–Behavior–Impact) framework has also been beneficial, allowing us to outline the situation, describe observable behavior, and explain the impact. Ultimately, SBI helps me clarify issues simply. While I understand the necessity of these difficult conversations, they do not come naturally to me, which is why I have found this module so helpful. Additionally, recognising the importance of utilising the strengths of others, I have sought advice from other members of our school leadership team. They have provided useful insights from their experiences.
The key ‘stand outs’ for me in. Part 1 of Dare to Lead, are that ‘muscle memory’ needs to be developed when dealing with difficult conversations. It is important to engage the other person in the conversation with a benign and open sentence starter that defuses any preconceived combative language that they may have anticipated from you. This ‘muscle memory’ is necessary for the initiator of the conversation to employ in all exchanges during the conversation to allow vulnerability and trust to build rather than defensive and unproductive sniping to occur. Sentence openers such as ‘I am curious about….’, ‘Tell me more….’, and ‘Help me understand….’ allow the other participant to adopt a calmer or less fearful attitude towards the conversation that they are about to have and it allows them to express their perspective fully and openly. When trust is established and both parties are equally vulnerable then the exchange can be respectful and constructive.
The rumble starters in Dare to Lead stood out to me as a valuable tool for supporting productive courageous conversations. They provide a way for me to have conversations while maintaining trust, respect, and a focus on understanding rather than coming across as defensive and having my team members feel heard and understood.
As a culturally responsive leader, I also need to be aware of my own assumptions and be curious about other peoples’ perspectives and experiences. Helping my team members build confidence, giving them the opportunity to try and fail, whilst also doing this myself helps to build mutual trust and support a safe atmosphere. By being open, honest, and vulnerable it helps support a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback. This is particularly important as I have a beginning teacher joining my already-established team in Term 3, so setting this environment up from the beginning with her will hopefully help her feel valued, supported, and confident to take risks.
Courageous/challenging conversations are an important part of my role as a leader – having said that, not always an enjoyable one. As Brown states ‘easy learning doesn’t build strong skills’. Leading a large team of teachers and support staff brings a huge spectrum of personalities, perspectives, interactions, views and opinions. To lead effectively, I try to respect and leverage the differences and stay curious about how they can often conflict. Brown’s curiosity tool to ‘stay on the lookout for horizon conflict’ highlights the importance that as a team we must have a shared reality of the current state of the culture. Zooming out and exploring through the ‘big picture lens’ can help with engaging in uncomfortable conversations. If I am not brave enough to have a courageous conversation, I am not giving the relationship mana.
I aim to be a culturally responsive leader, and to handle conflict and crisis by developing my ‘grounded confidence = rumble skills + curiosity + practise’ (Brown). Vulnerability never becomes comfortable, but if I practice ‘rumbling with vulnerability’, my confidence will grow. The more I practice the less scared I will be around not knowing the answers or saying the right/wrong thing or not being in control of the path or the outcome of the hui. I must keep listening and keep questioning, and Brown’s rumble starters and questions have been an awesome tool to help me focus in with this.
When preparing for, and holding a hui, the SBI (Situation–Behaviour–Impact) framework gives me a way to set out the situation, describe observable behaviour, and explain the impact. SBI helps me to keep things factual, limit the emotions of the conversation, and creates space for clearer understanding. I am practising encouraging the other person to lead, while I focus on actively listening and staying curious. My hope is that this fosters a culture of open dialogue and provides the opportunity for constructive feedback.
Challenging conversations have become a more frequent part of my role, especially when working through staff interactions, expectations, and responding to issues as they arise. I’ve come to realise—something a key chapter in Dare to Lead helped me recognise—that these situations often develop when people, myself included, fill gaps in information with unhelpful stories about others’ intentions rather than staying grounded in facts.
In these moments, I’ve found the SBI (Situation–Behaviour–Impact) framework really helpful. It gives me a simple way to set out the situation, describe observable behaviour, and explain the impact. It keeps things factual, helps take the heat out of the conversation, and creates space for clearer understanding. From there, I try to step back, let the other person lead, and focus on actively listening and staying curious.
At the end of these conversations, I’m often not entirely sure how effective they’ve been, particularly when there’s no immediate resolution. But more often than not, I notice the pattern of behaviour shifts from that day, and the issue doesn’t come up again. That’s taught me that the impact of these conversations isn’t always immediate, and that giving people time and space to reflect can be just as important as anything said in the moment.
Having spoken to my buddy, things such as vulnerability, curiosity, trust, vault, integrity, generosity are second nature. However, when it comes to taking action in initiating challenging conversations, being able to sit in the uncomfortableness is challenging. I’d like to think that balancing the openness, ability to see the bigger picture, planting the seed of looking through other lenses to gain other’s perspectives has some what helped, though may not be tangible.
Within my scenario, if certain conversations aren’t approached in a way that fits the person/personality of who I’m having the conversation with, I run a risk of people not coming to me with their challenges in essence – conversation shut down. Zooming out helps us find umbrella themes for long-term solutions, rather than treating tough conversations like a to-do list, while separating what we can and cannot control.
Reflection on Part 1: Rumbling with Vulnerability
What stands out most to me from Part 1 is how important self-awareness is as a leader. Brené Brown shows that if I am not really connected to what is driving my thoughts, feelings, and actions, I end up limiting the perspective and insights I can bring to my team. Without that awareness, even being vulnerable can go wrong.
As a learning leader and literacy lead, this hits home for me every day. It’s not just about pushing data, strategies, or new curriculum. It is about having those real, open, and vulnerable conversations with teachers. I’m working on my listening skills, really hearing what they are saying, and being willing to stay open to others ideas and challenges, even when it’s uncomfortable.
When I show up, admitting I do not have all the answers, it helps create safety. People share more honestly, trust is built, and will end up solving those struggles around literacy in a much stronger way. It feels slower sometimes, but the connections and results are way more real and lasting.
Reflecting on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stood out most was Brown’s idea that courage and vulnerability are inseparable. Meaningful leadership requires us to engage in difficult conversations, even when there is uncertainty or discomfort.
The Daring Leadership tool that resonated most with me was “rumbling with vulnerability.” As leaders, we often want to protect relationships, but Brown reminds us that honest conversations are essential for growth and improvement.
As a culturally responsive leader, I need to be aware of my tendency to prioritise harmony and assume that disagreement may damage relationships. This can prevent important conversations from taking place. Instead, I need to approach conflict with curiosity, humility, and a willingness to understand different perspectives.
Within my team, I aim to foster open dialogue by creating trusting relationships where people feel safe to share ideas, challenge thinking, and provide constructive feedback. When trust is present, difficult conversations become opportunities for learning rather than sources of conflict.