Theme: Leading Others
Module Objectives:
- Understand the dynamics of challenging conversations.
- Develop and apply strategies for effective communication in challenging situations.
- Explore and apply various conflict resolution strategies.
- Foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback.
- Identify and address personal biases and assumptions that may impact communication and conflict resolution.
Due: 15th June
Mā mua ka kite a muri; Mā muri ka ora a mua.
Those who lead give sight to those who follow; Those who follow give life to those who lead.
“To lead effectively we’re responsible for respecting and leveraging the different views and staying curious about how they can often conflict.”
(Dare to Lead, page 174)
As educational leaders, we often have a different horizon and perspective to our colleagues.
Even as teachers wearing different ‘hats’, for example, on different curriculum committees, we will be focused on different goals. It’s up to us, as leaders, to communicate our perspective, try to use our empathy skills to see from our colleagues’ perspectives, and rumble enough to get on the same page when we can. So how do we do this?
“Developing a disciplined practice of rumbling with vulnerability gives leaders the strength and emotional stamina to dare greatly.”
(Dare to Lead, Page 167)
There is a need to empower school leaders with conflict management training before they assume their leadership positions.
Provocation/Task:
“The only thing I know for sure after all of this research is that if you’re going to dare greatly, you’re going to get your ass kicked at some point. If you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage. That’s why it’s so rare.” (Brene Brown, Dare to Lead).
Choose a question(s) to discuss with your learning partner, via email/phone/online conversation. You might want to share a particular challenging conversation you have had recently or have coming up with your learning partner and seek advice from a different perspective. Share your thoughts after the conversion as a forum response in less than 150 words:
★ Reflect on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stands out?
★ What Daring Leadership tool is going to make the biggest difference to you as an educational leader?
★ How can you be prepared as a culturally responsive leader, to handle conflict and crisis as it arises? What biases or assumptions might you hold?
- How have you/could you foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback at your kura/your team?
Resources:
- Dare to Lead, Brene Brown, Part 1: Section 5 (page 165-181 with a focus on page 174). Now is the time to get into this course text, if you haven’t already!
- Leading from the Middle: Educational Leadership for Middle and Senior Leaders, page 18 https://www.educationalleaders.govt.nz/Leadership-development/Key-leadership-documents/Leading-from-the-middle
Additional/Optional Readings:
- TED TALK: Why good leaders make you feel safe: Simon Sinek, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmyZMtPVodo
Assessment:
- Completion of all readings.
- Participation in the online forum discussion.
- Submission of reflection on the forum.
55 Responses
Apologies for the lateness of this response. I have read the book and thoroughly enjoyed it. The approach the author took was fresh – it didn’t sound preachy, more of a mentor engaging in a very authentic way. What stood out to me was the idea that avoiding difficult conversations can actually be more damaging to relationships than having them. As leaders, we often have different viewpoints and goals from the people we work with, meaning that disagreement does not necessarily mean someone is wrong; we may simply be seeing the situation from different perspectives. The ability to put your viewpoint out there and ‘rumble’ with those who oppose it is a powerful ability to learn. Avoiding the difficult conversation can be seen a passive/aggressive approach and more often than not compound the issue by leaving the issue unresolved, or worse, muddled and vague.
The tool I will take most from this is “rumbling with vulnerability”. In particular, the reminder to question the story I am telling myself before reacting is powerful. It creates space to be curious rather than defensive and to genuinely understand what I might be missing. In the case of someone coming at you strongly/ aggressively I think the key is to ‘don’t react – respond’ and understand their viewpoint first before offering your own.
For me, culturally responsive leadership means recognising that my own assumptions and communication style are not universal. Not only that, they could also be incorrect. Being corrected isn’t being weak. It means you now have more information about the situation and information turns to knowledge, which in turn, will turn to power. I need to listen first, protect relationships and mana, and be prepared to sit in discomfort rather than rushing towards an easy resolution. Boy is that hard though. It will certainly require a lot of practice! Ultimately, creating a culture of open dialogue requires modelling the same vulnerability, honesty and willingness to receive feedback that I expect from others.
My biggest lightbulb moment from Part 1 is catching my own auto-engaging armour whenever I feel defensive or put on the spot. I’ve put some time into figuring out what my armour looks like and reflecting on the sorts of interactions and conversations that prompt armouring up. This self-awareness piece is key and there is always more to learn. I think this will be ongoing practice for some time, but I know that to handle conflict properly, I’ve got to ditch the armour, as unpleasant as it is! Brené’s rumble phrases—especially “the story I’m telling myself”—have been a total game-changer for me. Further googling has produced a list of rumble language sentence starters that I keep in my diary, so that I’m constantly seeing them, memorising them, and having access to them as back pocket phrases.
That is such a courageous step to take by dis-armouring yourself in order to interact in what can be sometimes confronting conversations. I really like how you would memorise those rumble language sentence starters, these are key, especially when the armour is gone. I feel that I need to do the same, often I can come across somewhat critical or negative due to my tone, but do not mean to, I guess it’s the verbal equivalent of ‘resting bitch face’ :-))
I both love and loathe Brené Brown’s quote. I love the challenge to lead with vulnerability: admitting when I lack answers, giving honest feedback, owning mistakes, and taking risks despite the odds. Yet, I loathe how painful that vulnerability feels—putting ideas on the line, facing critique, and enduring failure. But as Brown notes, discomfort is the price of growth.
The tool that will make the biggest impact on my practice is “Rumbling with Vulnerability.” This timing is perfect: I am preparing for a challenging conversation with a staff member. Practicing this tool means staying present in the discomfort long enough to genuinely understand the core issue, rather than rushing to fix it, downplaying concerns, or backing away if defensiveness arises. Leaning into this courage is essential for building a culture of open dialogue and trust across our team. Fingers crossed!
I am not at all an expert on rumble conversations, but I am willing to be curious, try new things and figure things out as I go. It will take courage and practise to become comfortable with vulnerable conversations, but I can see the benefits. Self-awareness is important in how I lead. A recent rumble conversation with a colleague highlighted this. Their defensive reactions in syndicate meetings were making others uncomfortable and reluctant to contribute. I explained the impact, listened and empathised, then suggested taking a moment before responding or using, “that is a great question. I don’t know, but I would like to find out.” It is not my job to fix the person, but it is my job to connect with them and show empathy to gather an understanding of why they are reacting that way. I liked the contrast between armoured and daring leadership. Choosing courage over comfort, practising self-compassion and staying grounded in our values are all great qualities of a daring leader.
Hi Kristen
Curiosity and courage seem to go hand in hand on this journey. Well done you for being vulnerable and showing both.
Hi Kirsten, I totally agree with your comment, “It is not my job to fix the person, but it is my job to connect with them and show empathy to gather an understanding of why they are reacting that way.” Helping them find a solution for themselves is often the better way to solve an issue.
I though that you made great daring to lead choices by showing empathy to that particular colleague even though empathy may not have been your initial reaction to that person. That particular action would have built relational trust between you both which can help cement positive relationships going forward. I really admire you for that.
What stood out for me from Part 1 of Dare to Lead was the importance of being will ing to have difficult conversations rather than avoiding them. I like the idea that “clear is kind”, especially as this is something that I feel I need to work on. As a leader, I would like people to feel comfortable approaching me, but I also recognise that being supportive sometimes means being honest and addressing issues early.
The Daring Leadership tool that could make the biggest difference to me is the one about “the story I’m making up”. It is a useful reminder to check my own assumptions and ask for the other person’s perspective before reacting. Normally for me, this means waiting and clarifying before answering messages or emails, to ensure I have the correct and intended response.
I think that creating a team where feedback is normal and safe is very important. As a culturally responsive leader, this means being aware that my own communication style and assumptions may not be shared by others, that I should listen first, and approach conflict with curiosity rather than judgement.
Heya Kelly, cheers for sharing this! “Clear is kind” is something I’ve been reflecting on too, especially as the need for a hard conversation with a staff member is needed. Making sure to listen first, and approach conflict with curiosity rather than judgement is on point.
Your strategy of using “the story I’m making up” to slow down and clarify intent before hitting send on emails is fantastic. Pair that with listening first and removing judgment, and you’re setting up a culture where feedback feels safe rather than threatening. It takes a lot of courage to lead that way – Brene would be proud!
That is so true Kelly, waiting for clarifications before responding to emails is very important given the nature of emails in the first place – what we initially read in an email may not be the emailers intended message – it all comes down to perspective in a lot of cases. I like how you self-reflect on your own communication style and that your assumptions may not be those shared by others, therefore listening first is key so you are coming from a place of curiosity rather than judgement when a conflict arises.
The daring tool that stands out for me is that a leader needs to be vulnerable, curious, honest and enjoy sharing real life meaningful experiences with people whether they are young or old. This builds and strengthens connections and develops trust and co-operation. (Simon Sinek)
I like what Simon Sinek said “ The leader sets the tone.”
That then causes a ripple on effect and in turn encourages others in the team to become vulnerable and honest as well. It creates and fosters an atmosphere or culture where ideas and opinions are shared regularly and freely without being judged.
“Great leaders want to build self-confidence just like parents want to build self-confidence for their children” (Simon Sinek)
When a crisis arises or a tough conversation that needs to be had I find sitting down face to face, listening, being vulnerable, being honest, making no assumptions and sharing helps to dissolve conflict. Staying to the end of the conversation until a peaceful resolution is found. Listening to their point of view but also having the space to share mine.
Brené Brown’s work is filled with golden nuggets, but the tool that will make the greatest impact on my leadership is using “rumble starters.” When fear and courage clash during challenging conversations, rumble starters help ground the discussion in vulnerability and truth. By leading with authentic curiosity and asking open-ended questions—rather than making hasty assumptions or jumping to conclusions—I can create a space to truly listen to colleagues, whānau, and students with genuine empathy. Keeping both my heart and mind open through this approach turns uncomfortable moments into brave, productive, and meaningful dialogues.
To navigate conflict and crisis effectively, I commit to ongoing self-reflection to better understand my team, colleagues, students, and families—their strengths, struggles, and aspirations. Recognising that unexamined assumptions can cloud judgment, I continuously examine my own perspectives to ensure I lead by sharing power, remaining responsibly vulnerable, and prioritising curiosity over having all the right answers. By asking transformational questions and maintaining brief, empathetic check-ins, I foster deep trust across our whole community while honouring personal and professional boundaries.
Fostering open dialogue starts with authentic care—people need to know how much you care before they care how much you know. I build a culture where feedback is welcomed as support, holding fast to the idea that easy learning doesn’t build strong skills. As a team, we embrace constructive ‘rumbles’ to directly confront the issues that threaten our kura’s mission, vision, and values, protecting our culture and driving collective growth.
Part 1 of Dare to Lead reinforced for me that leadership is grounded in vulnerability, curiosity, and trust. What stood out most was the importance of staying curious and listening, rather than assuming we understand someone’s perspective. This connects with Simon Sinek’s idea of leading with “why” and the importance of being clear about our purpose and values.
The daring leadership tool that will make the biggest difference for me is rumbling with vulnerability. As a team leader, I want to model that it is okay to ask questions, seek feedback, make mistakes, and continue learning alongside my team.
As a culturally responsive leader, I need to be aware of my own biases and assumptions. I can foster open dialogue by creating spaces where people feel valued, heard, and safe to share different perspectives. This is something I will continue to reflect on and strengthen.
Thank you for sharing your reflection on the readings. I agree with your comment about “rumbling with vulnerabilty” as an important aspect of leadership. We need to model continual learning in all our interactions with our team. An awareness of our own biases and assumptions is important in this regard.
What stood out for me in part one is that being brave doesn’t mean you are never scared. Being brave means doing the right thing, even when it feels hard or makes you feel nervous. So I feel a great leader is someone who helps others and is not afraid to ask for help when needed. They know they don’t have all the answers, and that’s okay. A good leader listens carefully to other people’s ideas, shows respect, and lets everyone have a chance to share. They are also brave enough to share their own thoughts in a kind and honest way. If they make a mistake, they don’t hide it. They dare to say, “I was wrong,” and then learn from it. This shows others that everyone makes mistakes, and that’s a normal part of learning. Mistakes help us grow stronger, build our character, and give us the confidence to keep trying. A great leader encourages others to never give up, to learn from every challenge, and to believe in themselves. They lead with courage, kindness, honesty, and respect every day.
Kia ora, Caroline. I really connected with your reflection that being brave does not mean we are never scared, but that we are willing to step forward when things feel challenging. I especially liked your point about leaders acknowledging mistakes and asking for help, as this creates a culture where everyone feels safe to learn and grow 🙂
Hi Caroline, I definitely agree with owning your mistakes. I make enough of them to know that they are a part of learning and pushing to do better, so I encourage my team and my students to make mistakes, learn from them, reflect and move forward.
Reflecting on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stood out most was Brown’s idea that courage and vulnerability are intertwined. Meaningful leadership roles require us to engage in difficult conversations, even when there is uncertainty or discomfort, especially when our views clash with our principal’s and management’s thinking.
“Rumbling with vulnerability” was the bold leadership technique that resonates with me. As leaders, we frequently wish to safeguard relationships, but Brown reminds us that open communication is crucial for our own development as well as the development of other staff.
I must be conscious of my propensity to prioritize harmony and compromise as a culturally sensitive leader and not assume that disagreement would hurt relationships. Important discussions may be hindered as a result. Rather, I must approach confrontation with an open mind, curiosity, humility, and a readiness to comprehend other people’s points of view.
By building trustworthy relationships, I hope to promote open communication among my team members so they feel comfortable sharing ideas, challenging preconceived notions, and offering helpful criticism. Difficult talks become learning opportunities rather than causes of conflict when trust is present.
It takes real self-awareness to recognise how a natural drive for harmony can accidentally get in the way of necessary, courageous conversations. By framing “rumbling with vulnerability” not as a threat to relationships, but as a path to deeper, more authentic connection, you are modelling exactly what it means to lead with both humility and courage.
What stood out to me from Part 1 of Dare to Lead was the importance of approaching challenging conversations with courage, curiosity and vulnerability. Brown’s rumble starters provide a practical tool for moving beyond defensiveness and creating space for honest dialogue. In my role as a dean and instructional coach, I regularly work with staff, students and whānau who may hold different perspectives on the same situation.
I recognise that I can sometimes form assumptions about another person’s actions before fully understanding their experience. To lead in a culturally responsive way, I need to pause, examine the story I am creating and ask, “Help me understand what I’m missing.”
By listening actively, protecting the mana of those involved and being open about not having all the answers, I can model courageous leadership. This helps create a culture where feedback, respectful disagreement and vulnerability are viewed as opportunities for collective growth rather than threats to relationships.
Thanks for sharing Dimpi and being open in your reflection about sometimes forming assumptions about others actions before understanding their experiences. I think this is very natural and only overcome through a conscious approach as you state “Help me understand what I’m missing.”
This approach will certainly provide an opportunity for collective growth.
One idea that stood out to me in Part 1 of Dare to Lead is the concept of the rumble—a conversation grounded in vulnerability, curiosity, generosity, and shared responsibility. The reminder to stay curious about my own feelings rather than becoming defensive or armoured is powerful.
One leadership tool that will make the biggest difference for me is rumbling with vulnerability. As an educational leader, acknowledging and calmly naming the emotions people are experiencing helps reduce shame or blame. Staying curious rather than reactive allows me to identify the real issue, reflect on my own and others’ contribution, and guide them toward meaningful problem‑solving together. This tool supports culturally responsive practice by encouraging me to be aware of others’ feelings, examine my own assumptions, and share intentionally to lead conversations with clarity and confidence.
I aim to foster a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback in my kura by intentionally modelling rumble practices and using rumble sentence starters to support safe, honest conversations. By staying curious, being aware of my own assumptions, and communicating with clear intentions, I can cultivate an environment where people feel valued, heard, and empowered to engage in courageous, constructive dialogue.
Choosing curiosity over defensiveness and planning to use “rumble sentence starters” is a wonderfully practical way to build psychological safety in your kura.
I’ve been reflecting on Brené Brown’s “rumble starters” and how powerful they are in helping me shift from assumption to curiosity in my conversations. They serve as gentle prompts to pause and check my understanding, rather than jumping to conclusions about what someone else might be thinking or feeling.
What stands out for me is how intentional questioning can open up space for deeper connection. By asking clarifying questions—rather than assuming—I’m better able to understand the other person’s perspective. It also helps me move into a more curious and empathetic mindset, which feels more constructive and respectful.
This has been a helpful reminder that I don’t always “know” what’s going on for others, even when I think I do. Taking the time to ask, listen, and explore not only improves communication but also strengthens relationships. It also helps me move away from my usual tendency to avoid conflict or fall into people-pleasing, and instead supports me to genuinely take the time to understand what is happening and how the other person is feeling.
Hey Robyn, thanks for sharing! I’m a bit late to the party on this module – but what you’ve written really reasonates with me. I also have an aversion to conflict and people pleasing tendancies, so the rumble starters are really helpful in moving away from those armours and approaching conversations with curiousity instead.
One idea that stood out to me from Part 1 of Dare to Lead was the concept of horizon conflict. As a team leader, I often work with people who bring different perspectives, experiences, and priorities to a discussion. This reminded me that effective leadership is not about having all the answers, but about helping people understand different viewpoints and getting everyone on the same path towards a shared goal.
The leadership tool that will make the biggest difference to me is recognising and navigating horizon conflict. As a Year 3 Team Leader and Maths Lead, I sometimes understand the reasoning behind a decision, while others may be more focused on the immediate impact in their classrooms. Taking the time to communicate the bigger picture, listen to different perspectives, and build shared understanding helps create trust and collaboration.
In Whānau Tī Kōuka, I want to continue fostering a culture where staff feel comfortable sharing ideas, discussing challenges, and working together to achieve the best outcomes for our students.
Whilst reading Dare to Lead Part 1, I have been reflecting on my own interactions as a leader and colleague. I feel that I am often honest and vulnerable when challenging conversations arise. Being honest about how you feel, using ‘I’ statements and expressing values is the best way to build trust. I need to work on my ability to ensure challenging conversations are constructive by using valuable questions like Brown’s rumble starters. Simply saying ‘Tell me why this doesn’t fit/work for you’ that provides opportunity for vulnerability and ultimately growth. This will be my focus in the coming weeks especially in our guidance meetings as we are navigating change.
Armoured and daring leadership was an interesting read because I am a person who strives on feedback good and bad, I want to please people and do the right thing for the team. I would like to think that I am building the capacity to be daring. Throughout my career I have seen aspects of both types of leadership. Armoured characteristics are detrimental to culture and trust.
Reflecting on Part 1 of Date to lead, a point that stood out to me was how if we want productive discussion and “beneficial” conflict we must also model and support the environment that creates it. This is not an easy or quick process but it essential to build the foundations of trust. I like the statement “the more we know, the more we want to know” as I think as teachers/leaders we are exposed to many connections in our profession that new learning always shows up. This fits in nicely to my leadership vision of everyone sharing their knowledge and input. I believe this fosters this environment and buy in from each person as that natural curiosity will be there. Also to finish, courageous conversations is something I have been working on for some time. The relationship between personal experiences and professional often cross over, so managing this and drawing on other areas of learning, like sports, is benificial.
One thing that stood out to me in Dare to Lead is horizon conflict. The fact that as team leader i have different horizons to my team in terms of goals and implementation of different tasks, often with information that my team does not have. This can sometimes lead to conflict when my team is asked to do something that they may not understand why. One thing i have found that helps with this is open conversations, and where possible, passing on that unknown info to my team, so that they are not left in the dark over new ideas or things that are coming down the pipeline.
Thank you for sharing, Arima. By proactively sharing that “hidden” information and opening up honest conversations, you are dissolving uncertainty and building the trust your team needs.
Reflecting on this Module (Navigating Challenging Conversations and Conflict Resolution) Brené Brown’s reminder that “leadership is the ability to thrive in the ambiguity of paradoxes” deeply resonated during a high-pressure term at our school. High staff absences and mid-year reporting (plus production, sport camps and everything in between!) have pushed cognitive loads to the limit, heightening sensitivities.
True daring leadership means leaning into this friction through difficult conversations rather than avoiding them. By staying vulnerable, I can better read my team’s feelings, look past the surface stress, and ask “the why” behind their pushback to understand how to support them best.
Embracing the insight that “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care” shifts my focus from managing tasks to protecting the mana of our staff. Discussing this with my partners highlighted that “easy learning doesn’t build strong skills.” We must hold space for these uncomfortable rumbles to foster genuine, supportive dialogue.
Kia ora Georgina, Thanks for sharing your reflection. Sounds like you had a big 11 week term with plenty happening! Hopefully you have found value in the readings as you have navigated it!
Reflecting on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what I have found particularly helpful and relevant for me is the SBI (Situation – Behaviour – Impact) framework. Courageous conversations are a regular occurrence I am finding in my role – whether it be with a challenging student, difficult parents or when resolving issues within my team. It is so easy to get caught up in the administration of our role – report writing, data, marking, planning, new curriculum implementation. The human aspect can be easily forgotten at times.
Rumbling with vulnerability reminded me that while relationships are what we work so hard at and are always so conscious about protecting, reciprocal honest conversations are essential for personal progress and development. As part of our team observations, I have introduced both concepts to my team, and we have practised the application of both. It has been great to work alongside my team and share our learnings, discussing what has worked positively, and areas we need to improve. I have also found my teams feedback really helpful. Being able to foster open dialogue, and creating a high trust model within out team has made this process a lot less intimidating.
Reflecting on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, I’m reminded that handling challenging conversations is a massive part of my leadership role. Brené Brown’s assertion that “easy learning doesn’t build strong skills” is spot on. Being part of a large team means navigating a wide spectrum of opinions, such as our current staff split over the mana token system; while some find them highly effective, others feel they reward behaviours that should be intrinsically motivated.
If I don’t stay curious and look at this horizon conflict through a big-picture lens, I miss the chance to find a better solution. More importantly, if I’m not brave enough to engage in that uncomfortable conversation, I am failing to give the relationship its proper mana. By practicing vulnerability, I am actively working on building my grounded confidence. The more I lean into it, the less panicked I feel about not having all the answers or losing control of exactly where a hui’s and staff meetings land.
I love your summary comment here Emma “The more I lean into it, the less panicked I feel about not having all the answers or losing control of exactly where a hui’s and staff meetings land. I think you have identified a key aspect of leadership and a continuum on which leaders sit. The more confident leaders are in themselves the more willing they are to be open to consider others opinions and viewpoints. Leadership is linked strongly to a willingness to engage others in “courageous conversations” and to listen to other perspectives.
I can really relate to this reflection. Challenging conversations are an unavoidable part of leadership, and I am learning that avoiding discomfort does not necessarily protect relationships. I particularly like the idea of staying curious rather than feeling that, as a leader, I need to have all the answers.
I have really enjoyed reading ‘dare to lead.’ An area that I have been trying to work on is having courageous conversations. I often shy away from ones where I need to be honest and vulnerable. As a natural ‘people pleaser’ I often find it hard to speak up and voice my opinion. Having courage has been the biggest stand out to me ’embrace the suck.’ On page 52 Brene states “The cave you fear to enter, holds the treasures you seek” which really resonsantes for me as often the things I can aiming for are the things that I fear the most.
The Daring Leadership tool that is going to make the biggest difference for me as an educational leader is rumbling with vulnerability and having courageous conversations. I like the BRAVING acronym, which makes the key points easy to remember. As conflicts arise I want to rememeber the idea of ‘choosing what’s right over whats easy’ (pg 229) and living into my values to pave the way forward. It all come back to trust though and building strong relationships with staff, caring about the small stuff, and making genuine connections.
I would like to practice some of the rumbling tools with my kura and share Brenes work with them. I think role plays and discussing the main ideas would be benefical for our staff and would set good foundations going forward.
Tēnā koe! It takes a lot of honesty to own that “people-pleasing” tendency. Using the BRAVING acronym as your compass to choose what’s right over what’s easy and your plan to use role-plays with your staff are great practical next steps.
I learnt about rumble starters and questions when I worked in ECE but never knew that they came from Brene Brown until I started reading the book. Ever since learning about them from my manager when I was training to be a Team Leader, I have always used them whether or not I was a team leader when I had an issue to bring up. I am naturally a people pleaser so I don’t like conflict but since becoming a team leader in Primary, I have learnt that conflict isn’t about people pleasing but resolving an issue in an honest, trusted and respected space, before it becomes a bigger thing- currently with my team I am able to bring up an issue and we can figure out ways to resolve it as a team that works best for all those involved (teachers, students, whanau, etc). I am a huge believer in collaboration in my team and that includes having their say, ideas and input when we are problem solving within our team.
Thank you for sharing, Katleigh. Shifting your mindset from people-pleasing to recognising that timely, honest conflict resolution is actually an act of deep care and respect is a great step in your leadership journey.
In any team—whether business, educational, or sporting—there are often minor undercurrents that, while not currently affecting functionality, can disrupt dynamics if left to fester. This is currently the case within my own team. Consequently, I am finding the “Rumble Starters” and the BRAVING inventory from Brené Brown incredibly useful for developing a framework around potentially difficult conversations. The SBI (Situation–Behavior–Impact) framework has also been beneficial, allowing us to outline the situation, describe observable behavior, and explain the impact. Ultimately, SBI helps me clarify issues simply. While I understand the necessity of these difficult conversations, they do not come naturally to me, which is why I have found this module so helpful. Additionally, recognising the importance of utilising the strengths of others, I have sought advice from other members of our school leadership team. They have provided useful insights from their experiences.
The key ‘stand outs’ for me in. Part 1 of Dare to Lead, are that ‘muscle memory’ needs to be developed when dealing with difficult conversations. It is important to engage the other person in the conversation with a benign and open sentence starter that defuses any preconceived combative language that they may have anticipated from you. This ‘muscle memory’ is necessary for the initiator of the conversation to employ in all exchanges during the conversation to allow vulnerability and trust to build rather than defensive and unproductive sniping to occur. Sentence openers such as ‘I am curious about….’, ‘Tell me more….’, and ‘Help me understand….’ allow the other participant to adopt a calmer or less fearful attitude towards the conversation that they are about to have and it allows them to express their perspective fully and openly. When trust is established and both parties are equally vulnerable then the exchange can be respectful and constructive.
The rumble starters in Dare to Lead stood out to me as a valuable tool for supporting productive courageous conversations. They provide a way for me to have conversations while maintaining trust, respect, and a focus on understanding rather than coming across as defensive and having my team members feel heard and understood.
As a culturally responsive leader, I also need to be aware of my own assumptions and be curious about other peoples’ perspectives and experiences. Helping my team members build confidence, giving them the opportunity to try and fail, whilst also doing this myself helps to build mutual trust and support a safe atmosphere. By being open, honest, and vulnerable it helps support a culture of open dialogue and constructive feedback. This is particularly important as I have a beginning teacher joining my already-established team in Term 3, so setting this environment up from the beginning with her will hopefully help her feel valued, supported, and confident to take risks.
Tēnā koe! Recognising how rumble starters can establish a safe foundation for a new beginning teacher entering an already-established team in shows great proactive leadership. By intentionally choosing to model vulnerability and framing the opportunity to try and fail as a strength, you are creating the exact culturally responsive, high-trust environment she needs to feel valued and confident enough to take risks right from day one.
Courageous/challenging conversations are an important part of my role as a leader – having said that, not always an enjoyable one. As Brown states ‘easy learning doesn’t build strong skills’. Leading a large team of teachers and support staff brings a huge spectrum of personalities, perspectives, interactions, views and opinions. To lead effectively, I try to respect and leverage the differences and stay curious about how they can often conflict. Brown’s curiosity tool to ‘stay on the lookout for horizon conflict’ highlights the importance that as a team we must have a shared reality of the current state of the culture. Zooming out and exploring through the ‘big picture lens’ can help with engaging in uncomfortable conversations. If I am not brave enough to have a courageous conversation, I am not giving the relationship mana.
I aim to be a culturally responsive leader, and to handle conflict and crisis by developing my ‘grounded confidence = rumble skills + curiosity + practise’ (Brown). Vulnerability never becomes comfortable, but if I practice ‘rumbling with vulnerability’, my confidence will grow. The more I practice the less scared I will be around not knowing the answers or saying the right/wrong thing or not being in control of the path or the outcome of the hui. I must keep listening and keep questioning, and Brown’s rumble starters and questions have been an awesome tool to help me focus in with this.
When preparing for, and holding a hui, the SBI (Situation–Behaviour–Impact) framework gives me a way to set out the situation, describe observable behaviour, and explain the impact. SBI helps me to keep things factual, limit the emotions of the conversation, and creates space for clearer understanding. I am practising encouraging the other person to lead, while I focus on actively listening and staying curious. My hope is that this fosters a culture of open dialogue and provides the opportunity for constructive feedback.
Challenging conversations have become a more frequent part of my role, especially when working through staff interactions, expectations, and responding to issues as they arise. I’ve come to realise—something a key chapter in Dare to Lead helped me recognise—that these situations often develop when people, myself included, fill gaps in information with unhelpful stories about others’ intentions rather than staying grounded in facts.
In these moments, I’ve found the SBI (Situation–Behaviour–Impact) framework really helpful. It gives me a simple way to set out the situation, describe observable behaviour, and explain the impact. It keeps things factual, helps take the heat out of the conversation, and creates space for clearer understanding. From there, I try to step back, let the other person lead, and focus on actively listening and staying curious.
At the end of these conversations, I’m often not entirely sure how effective they’ve been, particularly when there’s no immediate resolution. But more often than not, I notice the pattern of behaviour shifts from that day, and the issue doesn’t come up again. That’s taught me that the impact of these conversations isn’t always immediate, and that giving people time and space to reflect can be just as important as anything said in the moment.
Connecting Brené Brown’s thoughts around assumptions we make with the practical structure of the SBI framework is a brilliant strategy for keeping challenging conversations safely grounded in objective fact. I hope that is helpful in your growth in this tricky area!
Having spoken to my buddy, things such as vulnerability, curiosity, trust, vault, integrity, generosity are second nature. However, when it comes to taking action in initiating challenging conversations, being able to sit in the uncomfortableness is challenging. I’d like to think that balancing the openness, ability to see the bigger picture, planting the seed of looking through other lenses to gain other’s perspectives has some what helped, though may not be tangible.
Within my scenario, if certain conversations aren’t approached in a way that fits the person/personality of who I’m having the conversation with, I run a risk of people not coming to me with their challenges in essence – conversation shut down. Zooming out helps us find umbrella themes for long-term solutions, rather than treating tough conversations like a to-do list, while separating what we can and cannot control.
Your approach of “zooming out” to find umbrella themes rather than treating people like a transactional checklist shows great emotional intelligence, Ushanthi.
Reflection on Part 1: Rumbling with Vulnerability
What stands out most to me from Part 1 is how important self-awareness is as a leader. Brené Brown shows that if I am not really connected to what is driving my thoughts, feelings, and actions, I end up limiting the perspective and insights I can bring to my team. Without that awareness, even being vulnerable can go wrong.
As a learning leader and literacy lead, this hits home for me every day. It’s not just about pushing data, strategies, or new curriculum. It is about having those real, open, and vulnerable conversations with teachers. I’m working on my listening skills, really hearing what they are saying, and being willing to stay open to others ideas and challenges, even when it’s uncomfortable.
When I show up, admitting I do not have all the answers, it helps create safety. People share more honestly, trust is built, and will end up solving those struggles around literacy in a much stronger way. It feels slower sometimes, but the connections and results are way more real and lasting.
I enjoyed reading your reflection as you obviously got value from the readings. I look forward to discussing this changes in your leadership.
Ngā mihi nui
Reflecting on Part 1 of Dare to Lead, what stood out most was Brown’s idea that courage and vulnerability are inseparable. Meaningful leadership requires us to engage in difficult conversations, even when there is uncertainty or discomfort.
The Daring Leadership tool that resonated most with me was “rumbling with vulnerability.” As leaders, we often want to protect relationships, but Brown reminds us that honest conversations are essential for growth and improvement.
As a culturally responsive leader, I need to be aware of my tendency to prioritise harmony and assume that disagreement may damage relationships. This can prevent important conversations from taking place. Instead, I need to approach conflict with curiosity, humility, and a willingness to understand different perspectives.
Within my team, I aim to foster open dialogue by creating trusting relationships where people feel safe to share ideas, challenge thinking, and provide constructive feedback. When trust is present, difficult conversations become opportunities for learning rather than sources of conflict.
Thanks for sharing an honest reflection Sherelyn. I think the default for most of us is to avoid conflict and discomfort and yet as a leader we need to ensure others are challenged and held to account. The key is how this is done and I like your comment “approach conflict with curiosity, humility, and a willingness to understand different perspectives”.